December 30th, 2005

I have a chance to tell everyone a few little things Jess has done this week that are awesome to me. He just kicked his left leg up 9 times for me in his wheelchair during PT. In OT yesterday David put his left arm in a plastic brace that has rollers on the bottom. He velcros his arm in and puts the brace flat on a table. He showed Jess how to roll his arm back and forth in front of him a few times and then asked Jess to do it and he was able to do it a couple of times by himself. David said this could open up some new ways for Jess to do a number of things so we are going to work hard at that one. He is also able to hold his eye gaze straight forward longer. We have an appointment with an eye doctor to check his vision again. The doctor specializes in helping people learn exercises to strength the muscles in the eye again. We meet every day with a counselor who does visualization with Jess. He has him imagine where his body is in space. He will take him through a basketball game or down the slopes snowboarding and ask him to feel what it is like. He was telling him he was about to make a basket and could for a layup or dunk it and then he added, "You can't dunk a ball, Jess you better just take the layup". Jess started moving all over and punkered his lips and had an angry look on his face. Joe, the counselor, kept telling him he couldn't dunk and Jess kept moving more. He is trying to stimulate "all" emotions because we know there isn't a perfect world. He also took both of us through a relaxing meditation. He told me how powerful the brain is and that we just need to unlock sensations for Jess again. Good stuff! We saw the rehab doctor for the first time and he was amazed at Jess' flexibility and lack of contractures. He complimented me on how well we had worked with Jess. I said it was only because of my wonderful therapists at home and their constant ranging of Jess. Thank you John, Tami, Robbin, Susan, Maura and everyone at the horse arena! They have told me the key to success with brain injury is repetition. The more the better....everyday Jess needs OT, PT and Speech. They want to relay this to the medical world so they don't let brain injured people waste away in nursing homes. Of course, I am with them 100%. Well, I better run...Jess is in the standing machine. Happy New Year!!!! Please be safe...

December 28th, 2005

I was able to borrow a computer while Jess is in Speech Therapy so I thought I would say hello and wish everyone a Happy New Year. Jess and I had a lonely four days while we were off from therapy. My Uncle Homer and Aunt Lura were in Bakersfield from Stockton and invited us over for Xmas dinner. It was so nice to be with family. And, Xmas eve we visited a family that has a boy at the clinic similar to Jess. He is 18 too. They were so kind to have us over. So, no matter where you are there are wonderful people to help you when you are alone. I even met a very nice man on the plane and we "just happened" to meet two ladies (amongst 100 people) while we were waiting for our flight to Bakersfield who both had recovered from traumatic brain injuries. They gave me websites and support groups to contact. Now why did I come in contact with those three people???

Everyone at the clinic and the apartments are wonderful and so caring. There are so many tragedies that happen in this life. We are sure not alone. Jess is doing well. Of course, we want a big explosion of something grand but as we keep getting reminded....Jess is in the "slow to recover" category.

Our insurance has denied his coverage here so I am appealing. Again, I urge you to look at your policies and use our scenerio to see if you have the coverage you need. We trust everything will be just fine and we will be where we are suppose to be so not to worry. Again, Happy New Year and keep the prayers a comin'!! We are so grateful!
Love, Pam, Chris & Jess

December 26th, 2005

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year! This is Joey, I will be giving the update for a while until we can get my mom internet access. Everything is going well in California. My mom made it there and my dad is now home in Idaho. Mom said that Jess gave her a half smile when he got to see her again. It is a strange Holiday season for us, being that not everyone is together.

My mom was having trouble with getting a security clearance, but we are thankful that it finally went through. Jess is really busy in his therapies. Mom says that he is swallowing better and his neck is getting stronger. They have only been there three weeks and as we have all learned brain injuries take a long time to recover. So, we are taking one day at a time. Mom wants to thank everbody for all the cards and messages, it made it a lot easier to be alone on Christmas. We still don't exactly how long we will be in California, but we keep you posted. Happy Holidays!

December 14th, 2005

I have been home for 9 days now and Jess has had 8 full days of therapy in California. Chris said he is doing well and they are comfortable in the apartment. They are very busy and Jess is working hard. I wish he could tell us what he thinks of his new surroundings and the new people in his life.

It seems like forever for me. I have stayed busy catching up and working. My fingerprints are still in the works but I am going down this Saturday anyway. I will have a new scan done at the Bakersfield police station and hopefully they will be able to see the "ridges". This is so strange...

If anyone would like to write to Jess, I would love to read him your letters. His mailing address is Centre Village, 2500 Gosford Road #512, Bakersfield, CA 93309. I am sure he misses seeing his friends at school and all of the wonderful therapists here that kept him going. Jess and I will spend Christmas alone in California. It will be the first time without our family getting together. We know it is for a good cause so we are all trying to be tough. Family is so important.
Joey fixed me up with a laptop computer to take with me so I can keep updating the website. Somehow writing to all of you gives me strength and courage just knowing that if you are visiting this site your thoughts and prayers are still surrounding our Jess. Miracles happen at this time of year...maybe we will be blessed to experience one too.

December 9th, 2005

Well, I made it home a couple of days ago and it has been very quiet in my house. I found out that I have no "ridges" in my fingerprints and that is why they refused my clearance. Too much tile setting I guess. So, I had to go to the local police station, he sprayed some special foam on my fingertips and did an ink card print. I sent them off by Fed X and hopefully we will hear back before the 17th. In the meantime, I am catching up on a lot of stuff left undone for the last year and a half and Chris and Jess are doing just fine. They are very busy.

Chris met with a neurologist, who was very positive and hopeful, a counselor who has worked with brain injuries for 25 years and parents with sons in the same condition as Jess. One boy was in a car on his 17th birthday. Jess was on a bicycle yesterday and the therapist thought she felt his right leg firing. They all comment on how hard he is trying and they have told Chris it takes a lot out of Jess just to try to make one muscle move. He has speech therapy sometimes twice a day. His tongue is very weak so the therapist inserts a small sponge on a stick into his mouth and pushes on his tongue to make him push back and work the muscles controlling the tongue. It will help his swallowing and speech. She also works diligently to get a yes/no with his eyes. As I have felt for a long time, Jess needs speech therapy every single day. He needs to be able to have choices. The rehabilitation aids help Chris in the evening and continue to work with Jess...reading to him, showing him pictures, asking him to move his hands, arms and legs and they give Chris a break.

We are all so thankful that we could give Jess this opportunity. Our insurance is covering 3 weeks at CNS and depending on how Jess progresses we will see what happens next. I am learning to trust that everything will show up when it is suppose to...it's the only way to survive. I miss them terribly but know I will be there again soon with renewed energy. Thanks again to all for your support!

P.S. Sorry about all the bad messages in the questbook. I guess it is a program that searches out websites with a lot of hits and attaches to it. Joey is working on getting rid of them.

December 3rd, 2005

We spent three days at the center....one day filling out paperwork, meeting everyone and touring the facility. Jess had two days in therapy. He has 4 hours a day in therapy 5 days a week. The therapists were just trying to get to know Jess, see what he can do and asked us a lot of questions. It is too early for us to form an opinion but everyone is very nice.

It seems our challenges do not stop, though. In order to stay at the apartments they have set up for us we had to have a background check and be finger printed in California. I have been cleared twice in Idaho but you have to go through the process in each state for each agency. Chris received his clearance two days ago but we have not yet received mine. So, we have not been able to stay in the apartment complex. We had reserved several flights so Chris and I could to travel back and forth to stay with Jess and still continue working. Chris had a flight home tomorrow. We received over a foot of snow and he sets all the nordic tracks at the Sun Valley Resort and he is running a construction job. Plus mom and dad are "home alone". He also just hired a new employee and has not had a chance to train him. So he needed to go home and we were going to switch in a week. I also need to go home once in awhile and work to keep my job and to keep our health insurance. But, we had to cancel his flight tomorrow so he and Jess could move into the apartment since I can't stay there without a clearance. It is not easy to take care of Jess in a motel room. I had to move my flight up so I changed my flight to go home on Monday. I have not left Jess' side for a year and a half except when he went to school and horse therapy. I can't handle the thought of being away from him for 12 days...it is going to be so hard for me to leave him in a new place even if Chris will be with him. Another mountain to climb... I guess. I am getting pretty tired of these mountains that are taller than Mt. Ranier. I think we are glad to be here...but today is not a good day to make a judgement.

November 30th, 2005

We made it! A little rough weather over Donner's Pass but we didn't have to put the chains on. It was 70 degrees yesterday amongst palm trees and green grass. I hear it's snowing back home. I am using the motel's computer just to let everyone know we are safe. CNS is excited to get started with therapy tomorrow. We are a little overwhelmed, tired and reality has hit that we are really here. We are staying positive that this is the right thing to do for Jess. We already miss everyone!

November 27th, 2005

Happy 86th Birthday, mom and Happy Thanksgiving a little late to everyone!

When I said in my last update that Jess should shake up our routine, boy, did I get what I asked for. We have had a few crazy weeks. Lots of meetings. I met with the directors and therapists at school to talk about changes in Jess’ program. We sure have a great team! They all really care about helping Jess in any way they can. In Jess’ psyche for success class all of the kids wrote something special for Jess and gave him a hug at the end of day. Amanda said it was very emotional for her and I am sure for Jess too. The trimester has ended already.

Jess and I also had a meeting with Medicaid in Twin Falls and I left the meeting very frustrated and in tears. They informed me that they no longer would cover Jess’ therapists unless we drove to Twin Falls every day (60 miles one way) to go to a Developmental Disability Agency. We do not have one in our area. They also will not cover Amanda and Daniel. The system that we all have paid into for our entire working life that is suppose to take care of the children, the disabled and our elderly is very sad. So, I am on a rampage that I won’t elaborate on. Someday I hope to make a contribution to changing the system.

We also traveled to Salt Lake City to take Jess to a neuro psychologist and had an MRI scan done. I went in with him to have the MRI and held his hand at the end of the tunnel for about an hour. The tapping noise is awful but Jess handled it and the trip pretty well. We are not really interested in the results. We know what they tried to pound into us after each CT scan early in his injury so we opted not to read the results of this test maybe someday. We also dropped off a video of Jess’ therapies for the doctor at the Primary Children’s hospital to see if he could qualify for their rehab program. Unfortunately, we still have not heard from them.

As many of you know, I have spent a good bit of time researching and trying to find a rehab facility that will take Jess. I have emailed Washington D.C., Seattle, Colorado and recently, due to a synchronicity of events, I also contacted a facility in California. I emailed a doctor who spoke at a Brain Injury Association Conference in Boise regarding my attending the conference and I also asked him if his facility could help Jess. His brother had suffered a severe brain injury so he started a privately owned rehabilitation center in Bakersfield, CA. He emailed me back and suggested I contact his Director of Admissions. To make a very long story short, they flew a representative out to evaluate Jess. She went to school with Jess, Amanda and I for 4 hours and watched Jess intently to see how he responded, how alert he was and how well he handled staying awake for the entire day. She was very informative about severe traumatic brain injuries and she was concerned that we did not really have anyone qualified to do intense “neuro” therapies. By the end of the day, before she went to the airport, she informed me she was going to recommend that Jess attend their very intense rehab program. They only take care of traumatic brain injury patients. She also told me Jess could have gone into their program right out of St. Al’s. I could write a book on how insurance drives our health care system and inhibits patients from getting the help they need. I do believe Jess needed to come home first though to remember where he came from. We are negotiating with the insurance company to help cover the $1,000 a day expense. But, no matter what, we are going to the Centre of Neuro Skills www.neuroskills.com in Bakersfield, CA!! We will start with a month and see how it goes.

Chris and I have gone through many emotions about this journey. It took us 1½ years to get set up at home with the necessary things to take care of Jess and organize all of his therapies and school. But, I have felt for a long time that we were missing something and as usual there is a power stronger than we are that is showing us this new road. Many lights lit this path to actually make it become a reality. Jess and I will live in a 24 hour assisted apartment. He will get intense therapy 4-6 hours a day 5 days a week. We will drive 14 hours in Jess’ van to get there and then Chris will fly home in a few days. He will come back in a couple of weeks and switch with me so I can come home, check on my mom and dad and work for a week. I was very concerned about leaving mom and dad alone so I tried again to seek help from the “system”. Again there are too many rules for any of us to fit into their “help” category so with much gratitude I am relying on my wonderful friends to keep an eye on them.

We are going to miss the wonderful people who have so graciously entered our lives and cared for our son. We have made many new friends that are a part of our family. We can’t thank everyone enough and hope they will return when we return.

Joey said he is sending me his old lap top computer so I can keep updating this website. We still need everyone’s good thoughts and prayers that this might just be the key to unlock the door to Jess’ recovery. Thanks for hanging in there with us. With much love, Pam, Chris and Jess

November 4th, 2005

Today is Jess' grandpa's 88th birthday! Happy Birthday, Dad! Here is an update written by Amanda, our wonderful caregiver who takes Jess to school. As you will see we are truly blessed to have someone so loving, caring and concerned about his welfare....thanks Amanda!

Hello faithful readers! My name is Amanda and I have the best job in the world, taking care of Jesse Matey. I have been trying to organize my time a little better so that I could sit down and type up a brief page to be posted on the website. Finally, I am able to do this! I am a student myself, and my weeks are busy due to taking care of Jess, attending class, and studying.

To those of you who do not know me, I will brief you on a little history about myself. Before I moved to Hailey, I was currently living in Pocatello and worked for Portneuf Medical Center. I have ten years experience working with traumatic brain injuries, along with other areas of care that consist of: Medical/surgical, rehabilitation, same day surgery, pediatrics’, long term care, cardio vascular care, transitional care, and behavioral health. I do not have any children yet; my fiancée is hoping to change that as soon as we get married! I was attending ISU, but became very unhappy with their curriculum, therefore I transferred to CSI. I can honestly say that the instructors at CSI are much better!! So far my experience with this college has been wonderful. I am a certified “SNAP” which means, “student nurse apprentice”. The state of Idaho actually has a whole separate certification for SNAPS, unlike the certified nursing assistant, which is a separate classification. The job duties are similar, just a few changes with SNAPS that involve the fundamentals of nursing.

I recently became engaged in June of this year to a terrific man who is well known to the community, is hard working, compassionate, and a dedicated police officer. And yes, I am very proud of him! I feel truly blessed by God that he came into my life. Due to my recent engagement, and transferring colleges, I now reside in Hailey and love the area. Ok on to Jess.

Jess is an extraordinary young man who is getting stronger and progressing
more each day. I started working with him on July 5th of this year, and for me it was a matter of learning his body language. Pam was so good about just letting me come over to their home and observe Jess all day. I needed to get a better understanding of his needs, wants, and agitations when they arose, so that I could give adequate care pertaining to his type of injury. Jesse has the frontal lobe damage, anteriorly, right under the forehead. This is known as the Cerebral Cortex and it has a variety of functions, for example:

1) It determines what we are doing within our environment, and how we initiate our responses to activity.
2) It controls judgment, emotional response, and assigns meaning to words.
3) It involves word associations.
4) And it is the memory bank for habits and motor activities, examples: ambulation, weight bearing, and when to move extremities.

This is quite the range! And just think, this is only what the frontal lobe performs, the surrounding areas of the brain do much more!

I take Jess to school 4 days a week and we attend class and have a variety of subject matter as projects that we work on together. This involves: Painting, media, and psyche. Yes! Jess can paint, and he is pretty good at it too! Sometimes he draws, other times I will work on the communication process by using cards that have objects on them. I ask him simple “yes/no” questions and he responds with eye blinks. Two blinks for yes, one blink for no. However, He has a new speech therapist working with him and she changed the eye responses to hand responses. So now when I ask him a question, he answers by taking his left hand and opening it up for “yes” and makes a fist for “no”.

For some reason this therapist felt that the hand response would be better then responding with the eyes, because Jesse opens his hands up frequently, more so his left then his right. So far, he has been 80-90% accurate. However, he has days that he really doesn’t feel like giving me a response and this is normal. For those of you who do not know what a speech therapist job entails it is this; they primarily work on swallowing mechanisms, along with language skills and concepts. Due to the nature of Jesse’s injury, the messages from his brain to his extremities can become delayed, and his responses may be slow, other times they are quick. This too is normal.

The media class involves Jesse opening up his hands and placing them on the computer keyboard, which he does, when I ask him too. With my encouragement, he proceeds with light pressure on some of the keys and types a few letters. I position him so that he can see what he is typing on the computer monitor, and I enlarge the font. Other days during this class period I might pop in a DVD, and apply headphones to his ears and let him listen while he watches the screen. The DVD’s are mostly learning tools to help him progress further along. There have been days where Jess simply does not want to be real productive due to fatigue or depending on his mood. Again this is a normal and common response of TBI’s (traumatic brain injuries).

Psyche is the other class that Jess and I attend together. What a fascinating class! During this period Jess is more involved with the students by listening to discussions and basically just being a part of the group. There is something about this class that really gets Jess talking. And I don’t mean verbally, because he is not able to speak due to his injury. He can make soft monotone sounds, like he was humming, but it is his body language that gives him away. He can hear everything that goes on around him, and at times he responds to what is being stated. It is so interesting to watch him, because he can move all of his extremities including his neck and head, as well as producing the most comical facial expressions at the same time. Because Jesse’s judgment and motor activity has been impaired, he is unable to ambulate, but hopefully, with time and continued therapy this will change.
I tried really hard not to get too lengthy on my story of Jess, but I can’t help it, there is simply too much that I want to share with ya’ll!!

Jess Matey has managed to fill a void in my life that has really helped me. When I was just 18 years old, I lost my only brother to a horrible car accident. He was my best friend, and even though the years have passed since his death, not a day goes by that I don’t think about him. Jess reminds me of him in so many ways. This wonderful, handsome young man, whom I take under my wing 4 days a week, gives me inspiration, hope and courage. I am determined to do whatever I can with my skills and knowledge, to try and give back the life that Jess once knew before his accident. With teamwork from therapy, friends, and family, I am praying for his recovery. It has only been a year since Jess got hurt, and it could take another year or more before we might see any huge physical or mental changes. However, it may be less, he might surprise us all one day. From my experience working with TBI’s (Traumatic Brain Injuries) I have seen worse case scenarios that have been able to live a good quality of life, despite their limitations. For now, we can only “hope” for the better, and keep our spirits up.

Pam and Chris are absolutely amazing people for what they have done for their son. They have managed to maintain their composure, dignity and strength, in spite of what they have endured. They give so much unconditional love that it radiates from deep within them. If everyone could see the daily routine of these two incredible individuals, you would say to yourselves, “How do they do it?” During one of the many wonderful class discussions in psyche, Midge Patzer of Wood River High School recently addressed her students with this statement, “Love is a powerful emotion”. It is the love for their son that is the driving force behind their efforts, the one thing that keeps them continually moving forward. With love comes their extreme determination, willpower, faith and hope, that one day, Jess will walk and talk again. We are all right there with you Pam and Chris!! I would also like to add that Pam takes care of her folks as well, as you can see she is a busy little bee!

Well, this is everything in a nutshell. I will try and post Jesse’s progress as it happens, just to let everyone know how he is doing. I keep a daily journal for Jess and write down things that occur during the day and then some. I am hoping that one day he will read the entire journal to me out loud, possibly giving me some feedback on it. For now, Jess is making good progress, it is slow, but continuous, and at this point in time, this is all we can ask of him. He is able to perform certain functions now that he couldn’t do a year ago, for example; communicating, moving extremities, and swallowing thickened foods. In my opinion, this is tremendous progress for this young man!!

Life is so interesting at times, there seems to be never ending obstacles, and we struggle with many concepts from time to time. My perceptions of life in general, I view as though I were looking at myself in a mirror. I would like to share this philosophy of mine with you all.

An individual can perceive themselves like reflections in a mirror, their expectations through self-fulfilling prophecies build between the relationship of self-concept and behavior. The images that we see, can shape or mold us into characters of self-examination. We view our reflections of ourselves as we stare into a mirror. We see our past, our future, our sorrows, our pain; we see whom we have become regarding life’s game. We see how the decisions that we make can have a tremendous impact on our lives. The behavior we project towards others, the philosophy of “choice” is admirable only when stripped of its reality, only when worshiped as an ideal, believed in its abstract. Let faith, hope and harmony complete you as you move through these obstacles in life, it will keep the spirit strong!

*~I WISH YOU ALL A HAPPY THANKSGIVING, GOD BLESS~*~
~*~SINCERELY, AMANDA~*~

October 28th, 8:30 p.m.

According to most everyone coming in contact with Jess, he is changing. Small but good changes! He seems more aware of his environment. Amanda held his arm while he painted a J on his paper in art this week. She is so good and patient with him at school and I know he is grateful to her for their companionship. We also have Daniel on Thursday who takes him to the horse arena and swimming every week. He always makes me smile with a joke or two. We have the best caregivers in the valley! They are just like family.

Jess was able to ride the horse around cones set up in the arena this week. The volunteers all agree it is so much easier to support him. His trunk is getting stronger and his eyes are more focused straight forward. He still has to ride with the neck brace and with 4 people at his side. We are so thankful to the volunteers that show up twice a week.

We made his grandma cry the other night as she watched me ask him to kick his leg up and he responded with a couple of huge kicks with each leg while sitting in his chair. At times he is so responsive and tries so hard to do what he is asked. At other times I know he is just so frustrated he just says to heck with it or maybe he is off with the angels running through some beautiful field.

I had Leslie, the speech therapist from Burley, come back last Friday to help me with evaluating Jess’ swallow. She said she could see lots of little changes in him since her last visit in March. We decided to try another way of having him say “yes” and “no” with his hand. He opens his left hand quickly when asked so we are asking him to open his hand for yes and close it for no. It seems to be more consistent than eye blinks. She also is having me feed him bigger bites of pureed food and more at one time. It would be so wonderful to get rid of the feeding tube. She told me to work on him sticking out his tongue and puckering his lips. Voice and swallow use so many muscles we don’t even think about.

We still think we are going to wake up one morning and Jess will be back with incredible stories of where he has been. We realize that would truly be a miracle. But, don't miracles happen every day?

Happy Halloween!

October 21st, 9:00 p.m

This was an interesting week for Jess and I. Amanda was treated to a Cheryl Crow concert in Boise on Tuesday and Wednesday by her fiancee' so Jess and I hung out alone but together. We attended school on Tuesday and to be honest it was very difficult for me. All those energetic kids in the halls with so many questioning looks at Jess and I as we rolled down the halls to his three different classes. He did open his hand on the keyboard in his computer class and held a paintbrush in his art class. Jess tries so hard to participate and wants so badly to talk. I can't imagine how frustrating his world must be. We are lucky the law state he can attend school until he turns 22. At least he is around kids and feels their energy and he does get some speech, occupational and physical therapy.

Wednesday we drove to Twin Falls to attend a meeting regarding what Jess qualifies for from Medicaid. When Jess turned 18 he became an adult so we had to hire a lawyer to establish guardianship so we could make decisions for him. Medicaid has a waiver program called the Developmental Disability Waiver which is suppose to help people with disablities receive financial help with therapies and care. But, just like we found out with the insurances we purchased, they have so many rules and all of that fine print to make sure you can't recover any of what you contributed to for all of those years. It was amazing to sit in this meeting! And, nobody is really sure what the rules are but they make it clear that they can't bend them. I won't go into details but again I remind you to make sure you understand the policies you buy and beware of the system set up in our government that we all pay into. Where does all of that money go I wonder? When one door closes you just have to find another one that is open. And, trust. I liked these rules so I thought I would share them with you:

TEN RULES FOR BEING HUMAN
You will receive a body. You may like it or hate it but it is yours for the entire time...this time around.
You will learn lessons. You are enrolled in a full time informal school called life. Each day in this school you will have the opportunity to learn lessons. You may like the lessons or think them irrelevant or stupid.
There are no mistakes only lessons. Growth is a process of trial and error experimentation. The 'failed' experiments are as much a part of the process as the experiment that ultimately 'works'.
A lesson is repeated until it is learnt. A lesson will be presented to you in various forms until you have learnt it. When you have learnt it you can then go on to the next lesson.
Learning lessons does not end. There is no part of life that does not contain its lessons. If you are alive there are lessons to be learnt.
'There' is no better than 'here'. When your 'there' has become 'here' you will simply obtain another there that will again look better than here.
Others are merely mirrors of you. You cannot love or hate something about another person unless it reflects to you something you love or hate about yourself.
What you make of your life is up to you. You have all the tools and resources you need. What you do with them is up to you. The choice is yours.
Your answers lie inside you. The answers to life's questions lie inside you. All you need is to look inside and trust.
Last but not least, you will forget all of this.

October 12th at 12:00 p.m.

How is Jess? Jess is healthy, handsome, frustrated (I am sure) but so tolerant, responsive (sometimes), moving his left hand and foot, still eating small amounts, enjoying school (I hope), horseback riding well...and, oh, so loved.

How is his family? Struggling... A good friend told me it was ok to not have all positive good days. And, it was ok to be honest about it. So many people say to me, "I can't imagine what your day is like." I can help you with that image. Have one of the people in your life that you love and cherish more than life itself lie down on the bed. Tell them they cannot move, talk, smile, laugh or cry for 24 hours. Also make sure they are 10 inches taller and 40 pounds heavier than you. You need to figure out how to take care of every aspect of this beautiful person's life. Whatever you do to sustain your own life you must do for this person you love so much. You are also responsible for making sure he has all the right therapies, rest, nutrition, medical checkups, right amount of standing, moving in different positions to prevent skin breakdown, stimulation and protect his financial security. You have to make all of his decisions and make the best choices for his welfare. And, remember he cannot tell you how he feels, if he hurts, if he's mad, if he's tired....all you can do is to read his body language. You have had no formal training in severe traumatic brain injuries and you have no one that can really give you any solid answers of the outcome. And, everyone around you would like you to give them the answers you don't have. You just get to watch and wait. Multiply that 24 hour day by approximately 485 days and you will know what my day is like.

Do I sound suicidal? I'm not. I guess I just needed to share with you my reality, my frustration and explain why I have had such a hard time writing lately. I know everything is temporary and this too shall pass. I always try to remain positive. I am still very grateful that I can be there for my son. Jess will get better. I refuse to think any different. His family just hurts so badly and feels so helpless...sometimes it is unbearable. We want to run on the beach again with Jess, climb another mountain, sing another song, dance another dance, laugh, cry, argue with him so we can hug and make up. Will we get to do those things again?...who knows. We continue to pray and listen for the answer. Cherish all of those things you do with those you love because you never know when it will all be taken away from you in a split second.

October 3rd at 9:30 p.m.

I don't have much news. It was homecoming week here last week and it was a tough one for me for some reason. Most of Jess' old friends have gone away to college and I guess it just doesn't seem right that Jess is not with them.
I do want to thank everyone that is still visiting this site. Your good thoughts and prayers will always be very appreciated. It is almost 1 year and 4 months since we started this site and I am amazed at how many people still are keeping in touch. We love you all and wish only the best for you too.

September 25th at 12:45 p.m.

Jess had a good week at school. He is doing some interesting paintings in his art class. Amanda just puts the brush in his hand and he seems to want to move it. Jess loved to paint and draw so hopefully it is stimulating his memory of a something he loved. Amanda also put a keyboard under his fingers in his computer class and he tried to move them on the keys. Oh, how we would celebrate if he could just type us a message. We are all still working so hard on some kind of communication with Jess.

Chris just free (without the standing machine) stood him for 30 minutes . It took 3 of us to get him up and hold him in the beginning and now I just help get him up and Chris can balance him alone. Chris felt him firing muscles and turning his hips today. More small miracles that keep us going. He is also riding well at the arena. His eyes seem more aware of his surroundings. He and I drove to Boise on Friday to get one of his leg braces adjusted. On the way home I put the movie "Free Willy" on the TV in the van and he watched it intensely all the way home. Another small miracle to see him be able to control his eye gaze. As I reflect on all the little changes, it makes me feel relieved to know he is making changes. He is young and we continue to have faith that one day Jess will tell us all about this journey he is on.

September 14th at 8:10 p.m.

I had to add to my message of yesterday. I received an email from the special friend that helped direct my letter to the Dalai Lama. She was priveleged to speak to the Dalai and to his emissary of peace, Tenzin, at the blessing of the new prayer wheel that was brought to our valley. She said she was able to thank Tenzin for taking time to visit with us and with Jess at our house and for praying for and with Jess for the completion of his healing. She said Tenzin smiled very big. He told me, "It was my pleasure to meet Jess and his family. I believe in myself, that Jess will be all fine. Jess' mind is bright and strong. He is young and still growing, his mind is awake and in some more time Jess will be very good. I have seen very much worse do very good. But Jess, his mind is very busy and his body will heal back to it." She said she ran to her car to write down his words so she wouldn't forget. We can't tell you how much those words meant to us. You are an angel, my friend.

September 13th, 2005 at 1:50 p.m.

It seems as though the last few weeks have come and gone in a whirlwind. We have been through so many emotional events in a short period of time. The wedding was wonderful and the love we all shared throughout the planning was...worth all the worry. It is strange that as I look at the pictures of Jess at the wedding, I am struck with a reality I guess I have not seen or wanted to see. The pictures are not what I see. He did look very handsome in his tuxedo.

School was another very emotional event for both Amanda and I. It brought back memories for Amanda of the wonderful relationship she had with her brother when they were both in high school. She lost him at his young age of 17 in a terrible car accident. She was 18. I know she and Jess have been brought together for a very special reason. We are so grateful for whatever that reason is...

For me, my heart ached to see all of the kids talking in the halls, hurrying to class, laughing, hugging and watching Jess as though they just couldn’t understand how something so awful could happen to someone so much like them. We all have a hard time understanding that one.

Amanda did have some very good days as they continued to attend classes through the week. She was able to get Jess to hold a marker in his right hand in his art class and he even tried to move it to make some marks on the paper. The therapist had some very good sessions and more of his friends were able to approach Jess. I know it must be so hard for them. He is still Jess...he just can’t tell you.

I am trying to remember what I did before Jess was hurt. My sole focus is on him and I feel lost when he is not here. I am still very busy but I have an uncomfortable feeling in the pit of my stomach. It too shall pass.

We had a very spiritual weekend that will remain in our memories for a long time. I attended the Dalai Lama’s message to 10,000 people with my cousin and two friends on Sunday. He is so delightful, funny and spoke words that supported all of my beliefs. He, too, has witnessed a terrible tragedy in losing his home and his country of Tibet. He reminded us not to ever lose hope. Chris and I took Jess to the children’s event on Monday. He spoke to the children and let them know they were responsible for the future. He stressed the importance of “compassion”. “You must help others’ and if you can’t help, you should not harm others.” “We need a little more compassion, and if we cannot have it then no politician or even magician can save the planet.” It begins with you and then ripples throughout the world. He said it was a new beginning. An age of dialogue instead of violence. It was such a peaceful event in which I know everyone left with a sense of calmness and love. We are so fortunate to have been able to participate and to have Jess in the presence of “His Holiness”.

Again, I am forced to realize that Jess is the only one in control of his destiny and all I can do is love him. Not even “His Holiness” can change his journey.

September 4th, 2005 at 4:00 p.m.

We had a wonderful weekend and are pleased to welcome into our family Joey’s new wife, Angela. They were a beautiful couple had a truly memorable ceremony on September 1st, at Trail Creek Cabin in Sun Valley. Chris, Jess and his grandpa all dressed up in tuxedos and looked very handsome. It was quite the miracle since two days before the wedding the 7 of the tuxes were shipped to MN. Jess was a groomsman along with 3 of Joey’s good friends and “Uncle Dave”. Joey was blessed to have three grandmothers attend and grandpa even rallied for the occasion with a sore arm. Lots of friends and family were able to come and it was so fun to see everyone. Jamie was a gorgeous bridesmaid with two of Angie’s beautiful sisters and a cute pregnant best friend and little Jahara was the flower girl. At two years of age, she danced us all into the ground and kept everyone hopping all night long. It was a beautiful day with blue skies, wispy clouds and Bald Mountain in the background. They originally had their heart set on getting married in Maui but when Jess got hurt they changed their plans so we could all be together on their special day. Chris’ mom and two sisters came out from Cleveland. It was the first time his oldest sister, Joy, had been out here and she fell in love with the mountains. Most of Angela’s family and friends were able to come from Minnesota, Wisconsin and Arizona and some of Joey’s family came from Idaho Falls. Angie’s family were all a lot of fun to be around and it was a pleasure to meet them. We all enjoyed a fun rehearsal dinner here at our house. It seems awful quiet now with everyone gone.

Jess starts school on Tuesday and gets back to horseback riding after 3 weeks off. He has a really busy schedule and we just hope the stimulation will help him figure out a lot of things he has forgotten. He was sure wide-eyed at the wedding hearing all the familiar voices he hasn’t heard for a long while and there were times we thought he was really going to say something. Boy, will that be a glorious day!

August 28th at 10:00 p.m.

Today was a very special day in our lives. We were honored to be visited by Tenzin Dhonden, the emissary of peace for His Holiness the 14th Dalai Lama of Tibet. He is as they say, “His right hand”. A quote from Dr. Wayne Dyer comes to mind, “Act as if anything you desire is already here. Believe that all that you seek you have already received, that it exists in spirit and know you shall have your desires filled.” I had the desire to write a letter to His Holiness when I found out he was visiting our valley. I wanted him to pray for my son’s healing. When Tenzin walked into our house and directly over to Jess, he immediately closed his eyes in prayer and whispered a mantra over and over as he stood by his wheelchair. It was almost as though I was living in a dream. I knew my desires had been filled. He was praying for our Jess. There was a very peaceful feeling around Jess and in our house. We were honored to have someone of such importance visit us and especially Jess. We are so blessed. They assured me His Holiness would read my letter when he arrives on September 10th. They said they were moved by the words in my letter. They were just words from a mother who loves her son so very much.

Minutes after I received the phone call asking me when a good time would be for them to visit, I received another phone call from one of my dear friends. Her oldest son had lost his life in a plane crash in Challis, Idaho. Tragedy strikes us with no warning. I can only continue to pray for her strength to endure the loss of her son and let her know how much I love her and am always here for her.

It has also been a challenging week for our family. Jess’ grandfather had two mini strokes this week. I took him to the E.R. the first time and we called an ambulance the second one. He had a blocked artery in his right arm and they had only 6 hours to remove the blockage before he would lose his arm. We thank the surgeon who was able to accomplish the task and dad is resting at home again with a very sore arm. The surgeon was kind enough to share a personal story with me of his brother who was in a motorcycle accident when he was 28 and remained in a coma for 14 years. Tragedy strikes us with no warning. He had such compassion for our situation and knew the path we were walking. He reminded me that Jess is young and that he has a good chance to recover and to never give up. We share our stories and hold on to each other’s hands for comfort. We need each other...we are all connected.

August 21st, at 9:30 p.m.

We just got Jess to bed after his bath and a walk down the bike path. I guess we have established a routine that is working. Chris and I both have a hard time realizing this is all real sometimes. We don't talk about the what if's...we just do what needs to be done every day. It is strange how we both are so anxious when we leave Jess for a moment to rush back in hopes that things have changed. We both hope to get that phone call saying "guess what". Even if it was to hear there was a small new movement that was different. The biggest change lately has been Jess' eyes. He is so aware when you walk up to his side or into his room and if you ask him to follow your hand with his eyes to look to the right or left he can.

Jess starts school in another week and we are pleased that Amanda will be taking him to school. She has been such a wonderful help to me and a good friend to Jess. He hasn't seen many friends this summer and a lot have gone off to college but it will be good for him to be around kids his own age. I am sure he gets tired of us. He has a couple of weeks off from horse therapy but we will continue to have our therapists come to the house. We are so blessed with wonderful helpers... they all have the same goal...to get Jess back on his feet again.

It's hard to believe summer is coming to an end, Joey will be getting married here in 10 days, that it has been 14 months since the accident and that we seem to be surviving. We try not to think about the future and want to forget the past. We continue to thank everyone for hanging in there with us and for continuing to pray and keep in touch. We couldn't have made it this far without all of your support. Love to you all!

August 15th, 2005 at 9:30 p.m.

Amanda came home from the horse arena with Jess today very excited. She said Jess had opened his hand to pet "Camo" all on his own. She said Jess never took his eyes off of Camo as he stroked the horse's face. It is so amazing to see them bond with each other. I think they talk to each other with their eyes.

We received an email from a friend we had made in Boise at the hospital that they life flighted Jess to. Her son had been in a terrible accident where he ran into the back of a parked vehicle on a motorcycle going 50 miles a hour with no helmet. He also had a traumatic brain injury. He crushed almost every bone in his face and had many other injuries. His accident was a month before Jess. His mom gave us so much strength and foresight into what was ahead for us. We became good friends. Anyway, the doctors did not give her much hope for her son's recovery. In her email she said he is now walking with a walker, talking and is doing so well. It was such good news to hear of his leaps and bounds. Miracles do happen!

August 8th at 8:50 p.m.

Another month is here and I don't know where the last 13 went. I don't have much to say except we are all still here. We decided not to have the scar fixed on Jess' neck from the trache. We don't want to risk setting him back since he is doing so well healthwise. We go to the dentist today to make sure his fractured teeth are ok.

We are looking for someone to escort Jess to school. The person would work for Blaine County School District, hopefully be a CNA or have medical training and would spend 20 hours a week in school with Jess. If anyone knows of someone who might be interested please call the school district and ask for Blake. School starts at the end of the month already. One of Jess' good friends came by to say good bye. He is off to college and we want to wish him the best of luck. He is the only visitor Jess has had.

I have written my letter to the Dalai. I just ask him to pray for my son while he is here in our valley. His presence will bring peace to all of us.

Jess is riding today. He has been doing so well at horse therapy. He seems stronger each time he rides. Little miracles!Love to all....

July 30th at 7:15 p.m.

Jess had a good week in therapies. It was his last week of summer school and the therapists said he had the best sessions ever. Tami, the PT, who comes to our house was able to get Jess to open his right hand on command. It was so awesome because we have been worried about his right side and wondering why he couldn't move it as much as the left. We know Jess can move all of his body. It is just a matter of time for him to do it on his own. The brain is so complex.
We traveled to Twin Falls (60 miles one way) twice this week. Monday we had to have his neck brace adjusted again. Thursday he rode Camo very well so it was worth the trip. Camo has become quite attached to Jess. According to the girls at the arena Camo doesn't like to get too close to his rider's face but with Jess he moves right in and "kisses" Jess on the cheek. The relationship they are creating is very touching.
We also had an appointment yesterday with a rehab doctor in Twin. The neurologist that gave Jess the botox shot in his right leg a few weeks ago recommended we see her. She worked at the rehab center in Atlanta and he hoped she would have some suggestions for us. She was amazed at how well Jess looked after 13 months especially "with the severity of his injury". She said generally people in his condition have terrible contractures (where their arms, legs or hands are contracted and drawn in), or they are very thin and pale, or their muscles have deteriated, or they have extreme spastisity or skin breakdowns. Jess is free of all of those conditions and he still is not on any medication. She asked me questions about his therapies, his food, his sleeping habits, and then said, "I really can't suggest anything. You are doing a great job!" Of course, I wanted her to tell me when he was going to talk, eat and walk again and...of course...she couldn't. She just told me what all the other doctors have told us..."I have seen so many miracles, but we just don't know what the outcome will be." We talked about how so many of the military personnel injured in the war are coming back with traumatic brain injuries. We both hope it will help spur more research. She agreed with me that there isn't enough research being done for as many brain injuries as there are. But, I did hear on the news the President reversed some of his thoughts on stem cell research which is a good thing.I know it still all lies in God and Jess' hands. And, my job is just to learn to love more, help others more and forgive more...and that is a full time job!

July 23rd at 9:53 p.m.

Today is a big day in our area...His Holiness, The Dalai Lama is coming to Hailey on September 11th to give us a message of Compassion and Healing. They are issuing 10,000 free tickets to our community so everyone is in line as we speak to get their tickets. Of course, when I heard he was coming, I knew it was strictly for my Jess....to heal my Jess. No selfishness in that desire! So, for days I have been writing a letter to His Holiness in my mind. How do you write a letter to someone of such importance to ask him if he just might keep a very special young man in his prayers when he is here in this valley and so close physically. I don't know yet...but where there is a will there is a way....I will find the words...a mom never gives up. We won't take Jess to the event with 10,000 people in one venue it could be a bit overwhelming.
Jess is about the same. We have a surgery scheduled for August 11th to fix the scar from the trache and check his teeth before school starts in the Fall. Summer school ends at the end of July. He is still riding two times a week and has PT, OT, Acupuncture and Cranial Sacral (in the pool). I have appealed to Medicaid for more PT which they approved but for some strange reason they want to discontinue OT and I have yet to understand why they won't allow Speech Therapy in the home. Communication is so crucial. I think I will have to go to the Legislature to fight this one.
Jess is still moving his left side quite well when asked. We are confused why he doesn't have neck or trunk control yet but we do see a little better stability. He makes interesting sounds but can't quite come up with a word and he is eating soft foods very well but still has the feeding tube. We are standing him in the standing machine as much as possible. We still take turns sleeping in his room so we can turn him every 2-3 hours. And, we play music, tell him stories of his past, show him pictures of his life, massage his muscles, do range of motion, Chris wrestles with him on the floor, we move him alot, go outside for lunch, walk with him, sing to him, have him listen to tapes, put him in front of the computer, grandma and grandpa talk to him about fishing trips, card games and good times and we all pray several times a day. Most important of all...we give him as much love as we have and we wait.
"The reason why love and compassion bring the greatest happiness is simply that our nature cherishes them above all else. The need for love lies at the very foundation of human existence. It results from the profound interdependence we all share with one another. - His Holiness, the 14th Dalai Lama -Thank you so much to those of you who donated to the Sagebrush Arena. The money will be used for a very wonderful cause.

July 13th, 2005 at 8:30 a.m.

Well, we made it through all of the special occassions. Not much new news but I do have some good news. I have a wonderful person helping me now, along with Daniel. Her name is Amanda and she has worked as a Certified Nurse's Aide for 10 years. She has worked in a rehab center in Pocatello for the last 3 years with a lot of brain injuries. She is going to school to become an RN. As usual, I am so blessed to have the right people show up in my life. She applied for the job at the high school to replace Joey next year and I was able to get her to help me at home too. We thank and appreciate you, Amanda!

Chris also got the ceiling lift installed completely and it is so wonderful. We can get him in and out of the bathtub so much easier and I move him from the bed to wheelchair or from the wheelchair to the couch or floor all by myself. And, the nurse at my insurance company called and said they may be able to reimburse us for part of the cost. Never hurts to ask the question.

As far as any big changes go with Jess' condition...we still only see small ones and that has to be ok. Today, I don't want to elaborate on that much because... it hurts. At least I know there is always tomorrow.

I have been asked for the address to the Sagebrush Arena. It is P.O. Box 394, Sun Valley, Id 83353. They are having their annual fund raiser this Thursday. If you are looking for a wonderful place to donate and help many disabled children and adults it is a good one. And, you can do it in Jess' name. He will continue to ride twice a week for as long as it takes. And only because of the amazing volunteers that make it possible.

"July 3, 1987"

"Happy Birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday dear Jessie, happy birthday to you!"

Today is Jess' 18th birthday. He came into this world at 2:04 a.m. on Friday morning and weighed 8 lbs. 10 oz. He became "the light of my life"...

Last week was very busy as usual. I took Jess to a neurologist in Twin Falls on Monday to have botox shots in his right leg. It weakens the muscles that are overpowering the weak ones. I, of course, tried to get all the right answers from him with no luck. He just kept answering, "We just don't know". He is not in a persistent vegetative state and he is not in a coma....he is just healing. He checked his eyes and said, "Yes, he can see but we can't tell how well". He knows he can hear. He was impressed that his muscles were so strong but not rigid. Jess even opened his hand when asked, followed the doctor, and raised his eyebrows. He said there is no proof medications would help and that he is getting as good of therapies at home that he would get in a rehab hospital. We talked about stem cell and he said there is a lot of research but it will be a few years. And he concluded, "If your going to get a brain injury, it's best to do it before your 18." So, we still just get to wait and see.

Tuesday, Grandma Juliann flew back to Cleveland and we miss her very much. Everyone comes and goes and each time it is hard to see them leave. The fresh optimism and energy is so welcomed. Sometimes I wish I could leave and come back all renewed and full of new energy and then witness Jess all better. Jess and I have been taking good care of each other...that was a promise we made to each other many times. He always told me, "don't worry mom...I'll always take care of you."

The rest of the week we did our usual therapies, school, swimming and horseback riding. Chris is working at the arena, helping them permanently install air conditioners for the arena. They have an incredible operation which includes many volunteers and helps over 300 people at no charge. If anyone is looking to donate to a great cause, please consider the Sagebrush Arena. They have their annual fundraiser this month. We are so thankful for all of the volunteers.

I also took Jess to a plastic surgeon to see if he could fix the scar on Jess' neck from the trachea. Hopefully, the scar tissue isn't inhibiting his swallow. He said it is a simple procedure but as a precaution he would want to do it in the hospital. Instead of the big indentation he has now, he will just have a small straight line scar. We also talked about stem cell and he feels strongly about it so I have been trying to do some research by checking the web for clinical trials. If anyone out there has any info, please share it with me.

Today we are having a little party for Jess. You only turn 18 once and for me...I want to celebrate the 18 wonderful years I have been able to spend with "the light of my life". Happy Birthday, Jess! Thank you for being such a magnificent part of my life. We will continue to take care of each other... for as long as it takes.

Have a Happy 4th of July!

June 19th at 9:30 a.m.

Happy Father's Day! I know if Jess could, he would sure say those words to his dad and thank him for being such a protective, caring dad that loves him so much and cannot leave his side. Chris would tell all you dads out there to spend as much fun time as you can with your kids and don't let the little things get in the way of the love you can extend to them. Because...you just never know.

We made it through the 17th and actually felt more at peace after we spent an hour or so down at the accident site. Some very special friends surprised us and joined us in a circle around Jess. We lit candles, talked about special times and said special prayers. The sky had been cloudy up until we drove down the road. We witnessed a beautiful sunset and a very peaceful atmosphere. A friend that lives down south of us said there seemed to be a light shining down on the spot where we stood. We received a lot of emails confirming friends support of our request for prayers and I was amazed how the word spread across the U.S. We felt the energy and the love and we want to thank everyone again. We continued to be blessed with wonderful people in our lives.

I know this life is all about love and forgiveness and we have sure felt a lot of both through this journey. Jess was very with us that night. We watched him connect with a friend who he had made a very special pack with him a few years ago and that had joined us that night. It was the first time that friend had been able to see Jess. It's hard for his friends to see him hurt. But, I want you all to know you don't always need to communicate with words. We communicate more with our hearts. And that's the only way Jess can right now. His eyes will let you know how much he misses you, too. So, that day is over and behind us and we are again marching forward...

June 15th at 7:30 p.m.

It is hard to believe in two days it will be one year since the accident. Of course, all of us were sure Jess would be walking and talking by now. He will be in his own sweet time. I have been dreading the arrival of June 17th because it brings with it some horrible memories and a loss bigger than we could ever describe, but it also brings a thankfulness that we don't ever have to go through that day again.

I had a dream the other night that we should take Jess back to the accident site at 9:34 p.m. on the night of the anniversary of the accident. Maybe the part of Jess' spirit that we lost that night is waiting for him to return. Maybe if enough of us take a moment of silence at that time and say yet another prayer for our Jess, God and all the angels will help Jess remember how to communicate on this earthly physical plane again. Maybe, Jess will feel so much energy and love...he will find his way home. If you are in the area of Lower Broadford Road in Bellevue, please join us...or...just stop for a moment and say that little prayer for a boy that is missed and loved so much!

June 1st at 9:00 p.m.

Jess should be walking down the aisle to get his high school diploma right now. It has been a hard week for our family. We were all so looking forward to celebrating Jess' graduation. He only needed 5 credits to graduate. We keep asking why this has to happened to such a good person. Jess was so full of life and love and was looking forward to so many things in life. I guess we will never have those answers...we don't get many of our questions answered. We just get to wait and trust and try to stay positive.

Jess shut down for a couple of weeks. For some reason, maybe knowing it was his graduation, he just didn't want to respond to any of us. It had everyone worried. And then, this week he is back. On Monday he was moving on command a lot for Tami our physical therapist. John the occupational therapis got some good movement from his right arm (which we haven't seen for awhile) he also witnessed Jess controlling his head by using muscles we have been waiting to see wake up. He even had Jess kneeling vertically with support. John amazes us in how he can get Jess in so many different positions. And today at school the therapist were excited to see Jess repeatedly moving his left leg up and down triggering a switch to turn on his music. We have also been getting good consistent answers with his yes/no gaze board. So, we have faith...we will never lose faith.

Congratulations again to all of Jess friends who finally made it! We are proud of you all! Maybe you can come back next year and help Jess celebrate!

May 24th at 8:20 p.m.

We are still keeping Jess very busy. He handles it pretty well and stays awake now most of the day. He has a lot of therapies, rides the horse 2 days a week and goes to school 3 half days a week.

Joey is leaving in a couple of weeks to return to Minneapolis. We have enjoyed and appreciated his humor, his never complaining willingness to help, his sincere love for his little brother, his companionship for Jess at home, school and during horse therapy, his card playing with his grandparents, his picking me up and making me laugh and his constant love and attention to all of us. We will miss him terribly. Three months has gone way too fast.

What will we do now...everyone asks? We will continue to look for someone to help us this summer and the school is looking for a CNA to accompany Jess to summer school and to school next year. We are also trying to get a ceiling lift for the house so I can move Jess by myself. We just have to trust it will all work out.

School is almost over and graduation is next week. They have invited Jess , Chris and I to attend the celebration of the senior class graduating. We have decided to decline. It was a hard decision but we feel if Jess did understand that his class is graduating it could be very depressing for him. If he doesn't understand it would be too overwhelming for him to attend. And, Chris and know it would be extremely emotional for us. It is a day of celebration for his friends and we want them to indeed "Celebrate". Please be so careful...you are not invinceable and your life can change from having a great time to struggling to survive in an instant. We want to wish the entire graduating class of 2005 the best always! Know that Jess would give anything to be walking down that path with all of you. Here is one of his favorite sayings:

"Happiness is to be found along the way, not at the end of the road, for then the journey is over and it is too late. Today, this hour, this minute is the day, the hour the minute for each of us to sense the fact that life is good, with all of its trials and troubles, and perhaps...more interesing because of them." -Robert R. Updegraff (author of "Be Thankful for your Troubles")

I have so missed having 3 or 4 boys sleeping on Jess' floor 2 or 3 days a week this year. I have had kids in my house for 31 years now and I really miss them. Hopefully as Jess recovers a little more, his friends will be more comfortable to visit and spend time with him again. I'm sure he will look forward to hear about all he has missed.

May 17th, 9:30 p.m.

It has been eleven months today since Jess was hurt in the accident. I don't even know what to say tonight. We have come a long way...but just a short way on this road to his recovery. I know the only place to be is right here in the present and I really do try so hard to stay there. If I venture into the past I focus on the way things were and if I go into the future I ponder on the way things could be and not on the way things are. So, it is just another day in our journey. Jess is fine and he is going to continue to get a little better every day. And, we are going to keep praying.

Love to all...

May 9th at 3:20 p.m.

I hope everyone had a wonderful Mother's Day. I had all of my kids and my mom here with me. The only gift I did not receive was Jess saying "Hi Mom". I was hoping so much to hear those words.

He is doing well. Joey and I took him to the high school play "Guys and Dolls". He loved to help the drama class build the sets and seemed to know where he was in the auditorium and looked so intently at the lights, the audience and especially perked up when he heard his best friend, Curtis, singing. I know he missed being apart of the the gala event.

We have had to try a different way of riding at the horse arena. Charlie Brown got a little to "spunky" and worried everyone regarding Jess' safety so Charlie is in training right now. Jess has been riding another horse "Camo" but cannot have a back rider so we had to position Jess laying on his back on the horses back. Very interesting....but it works. Jess' neck is getting stronger and he turns it frequently left and right but he still cannot sit alone or hold his head up. We just need more time and patience on all our parts.

School is going well too. Jess goes 3 days a week from 12:30 to 4:30. He attends a fun class with a lot of his old friends or goes to his computer class, then 4 of his friends (Billy, Reno, Morgan and Dillon) meet with him and hang out discussing important issues I'm sure. At the end of the day he works out with the school speech and occupational therapists for an hour. He and Joey ride the bus home. We are hoping he will remember how much he didn't want to ride the bus and wanted to drive his own car. Stimulation is the key!

So, we are still hanging in there. Chris and I have our good positive days and are hard questioning days. We don't understand a lot of this whole journey. We miss our son and we want so much for him to be able to enjoy life, friends and family again. We will wait for how ever long it takes...what other choice do we have. Life is interesting, isn't it?

April 30th at 9:15 p.m.

We just finished free standing Jess and it is so amazing at the difference now and when we first returned home. He is doing so well and getting so much stronger. Today he pulled his head out of the head support on his wheelchair, kicked his left leg off the foot rest and lifted his left arm off of the arm rest. We have all decided we need to watch him much closer...we think he is moving to the next phase. The therapist have also noticed he is responding much quicker when they ask him to do something.

Daniel (our special friend who helps us with Jess on Thursdays) and his sweet wife, Wendy, took Jess to the movies for the first time today. We really do have some wonderful supportive people in our lives. It was strange for Chris and I, but we did take advantage and went for an hour hike. We both made a point, standing on the top of a mountain...which always makes me feel a little closer to God... to say "another" prayer... not only for our Jess but for our strength too. We prayed for Jess' ability to walk, run, laugh, talk, cry and smile again. Oh how we miss his smile. Joey played cards with the grandparents and when we got home were remarking how we all were a little uncomfortable without the need to check on our Jess. We missed him. One or all of us always has an eye on him.

We are still in awe with the love surrounding us and we continue to thank those we know and those we don't for all the prayers and continued positive reinforcement we get that Jess will get better. A special thanks to Daniel, John, Tami, Joan, Beth, Gordon, Susan, Maura, Mr. Murphy, Ms. Patzer, Billy, Dillon, Morgan and Reno...you are awesome. And, also, to our special volunteers who are so dedicated in helping Jess twice a week with horse riding. I might mention the Sagebrush Arena is always looking for volunteers and Jess will need more when he starts to ride three time a week this summer. You must be comfortable around horses. Give Wendy Collins a call if you have an hour of time to donate.

April 23rd at 9:45 a.m.

It’s finally the weekend! We have been so busy that we forgot to update the website to let everyone else know what is going on in our lives. It has been many months since I’ve given the update, my Mom usually does it. I have been here for the last 5 weeks participating in the care and recovery of Jess. There are many new things that have happened since I’ve been here. One significant change is Jess got a new wheelchair, which seems to be helping with his "tone" (abnormal adrenaline to the muscles). The PT therapist, Tami, has been seeing great physical response from Jess, particularly in moving his head from left to right on command (22 times last session!). This is awesome because Jess had been pulling his head to left quite hard due to the tone. This means that his neck muscles are getting stronger, which has helped with his head control when in a sitting or standing position.

I have been taking Jess to high school 3 times a week. We go from 1:00 to 4:30 and participate in many activities during that period. The therapists at school have been working with an eye-gaze board for communication. We have seen positive responses from Jess. An eye-gaze board is a rectangle piece of see through plastic with dimensions of 2 ft by 1ft. They put the word “yes” on one side and the word “no” on the other side. We get in front of Jess and have him focus on our eyes in the center of the board and then ask a yes/no question. He can consistently answer these questions by gazing to the right or left to indicate with a yes or no answer. (He got nine answers out of ten correct...the one incorrect answer was a question asking if the year was 2005. Jess said “no”. He must still think it is 2004.) Answering questions is very exciting because we have established a form of communication which seems to be consistent. Jess is taking small steps but we continue to be amazed by the effort he puts in each day.

My dad Chris has gone back to work doing construction full time. Between the five of us (Chris, Pam, Joey, Grandma and Grandpa), Jamie and Jahara on the weekends, the therapists, and of course all the special friends who have been devoting their time (there are too many to name), Jess is getting the best possible chance to come back to us. We all function as one big force of energy and this in itself should be enough to help him recover in time. Thank you all for your unrelenting persistence and faith! Until next time, have a great week. Joey

April 12th at 9:30 p.m.

We drove to Boise today to get Jess' new wheelchair. We, of course, have a love/hate relationship with a wheelchair. We were so hopeful that he would not still be in one but we are so very thankful for a much better model. Joey is taking Jess to school 3 days a week and sitting in this chair will be much easier for a long period of time. It has so many adjustments we were at the wheelchair company for 4 hours. Whew...

So, we are still seeing little improvements. Jamie was home this weekend and noticed a lot of small changes that we take for granted. Little Jahara kept giving her Uncle Jess kisses and holding his hand. She puts a small ball in his hand to try to get him to throw it to her. He looks at her with those big blue eyes like he appreciates her attention. She is almost two.

We have been taking Jess swimming once a week and he is so relaxed in the water. Hopefully we can continue and are very thankful for the opportunity to get him in the water. Skiing is over and we are so grateful to Sun Valley Company....Hans, Mark and Bob for taking such good care of Jess. We are very lucky to live in this valley where so many are so supportive and caring to our Jess. Thank you!

April 6th at 8:22 p.m.

Just wanted to let everyone know Jess turned his head to the right on command 8 times for our PT (Tammy). He also lifted his legs in a sitting position up and back down to touch the floor for me several times...Joey was a witness. Slow but sure we are going to get this boy back!

April 3rd at 8:12 p.m.

Jess had a bit of a break this week. He didn't have school or horse therapy because of spring break. He did go skiing, swimming, to dinner at his best friend's house, celebrated his grandma and grandpa's 67th anniversary, had acupuncture, physical therapy, cranial sacral therapy, stood every day, worked a lot on swallowing and range of motion and watched us try to spring clean the house. He also had a visit from his good friend Billy who brought him some Mickey Mouse slippers from their trip to Disney Land. And, we got the approval for his new wheelchair!!!

As I was writing in Jess' journal this morning, I turned the page and this quote was at the top of the page:

"Don't wait for something big to occur. Start where you are, with what you have, and that will always lead you into something greater." --Mary Manin Marissey

We are not waiting for something big anymore...we are just so thankful for the small things.

3/25/05 at 10:15 p.m.

Thanks to Joey we added a few new photos to the website. We tried to show you some of the activities Jess has been participating in. He has been very busy with therapies, horseback riding, skiing and school (three days a week now). Joey keeps asking us, "mom, how have you and dad been doing this for so many months?" We are constantly just trying to keep up and make sure we give our Jess the best possible chance we can to come back. We are glad to have him here to give us a hand. Chris' job has come to an end due to a lack of snow so now he will have to go back to work full time in construction. We both have such a hard time leaving Jess to go to work but with Joey here it will make it a little easier. What will we do when he leaves? We will just do the best we can.

It's been hard for us to watch the news lately with all of the controversy about Terry Shiavo (the lady with a brain injury whose husband removed her feeding tube after 15 years). I can't imagine what her parents are going through...especially being in our situation. Sometimes it is so hard to understand why these things happen. We are sending a lot of prayers to everyone involved.

On a positive note...Jess is eating blended fruits and vegies now and sips of juice. His swallow is getting stronger and stronger. He was able to trigger a button to turn his music on today by hitting it with his thumb. Chris asked him yesterday to raise his eyebrows if he loved his mom...he did!

We want to wish everyone a Happy Easter! Love, Chris, Pam, Jess, Joey, Jamie, Jahara, Grandma, Grandpa and the little pug!

3/17/05 at 10:00 p.m.

Jess had a week of one event after the other. On Sunday we had visits from friends and even a visit from a sweet little dog Lola who visits patients in the hospital. Jess' brother Joey and girlfriend Angie arrived on Sunday from Minneapolis. It is so nice to have them here. They brought a little 3 month old puppy with them. She is a "Pug" and loves to crawl all over Jess and give him lots of kisses.

Jess had PT, rode Charlie Brown and had a CT scan on Monday. The CT showed no change in swelling or fluid in his brain and actually showed a decrease in the swelling across the frontal portion of the brain. All good news. He does have enlarged ventricles which are probably a result of the injury. It has been 9 months today. In the evening we took Jess to the high school to watch a Donkey basketball game in which the seniors played the faculty on Donkey's. It was very interesting. Tuesday we had Speech therapy in which Leslie uses an electric stimulator on Jess' throat while we feed him sips of water and fruit in the consistency of applesauce. He swallowed very well. We get to try a few other blended varieties with caution. After speech we took Jess up to Sun Valley to the ski hill Baldy. We loaded him a sled built especially for the handicap, strapped him down and watched 3 ski instructors get him on the lift. He made two runs with the ski instructors and Chris at his side. As they made big GS turns down the slope Chris said Jess was wide eyed. Joey and I stood at the bottom and watched. I couldn't help but cry to see Jess coming down the mountain. He loves to snowboard and when he got down to us his eyes were so big and I know he knew where he was and what he was doing. Our thanks to all who made this possible...and he's going again next week. After that he went to school for 2 hours. Wednesday he had acupuncture, OT and we had a special visit from the school speech therapist who felt very good about Jess' eye contact and responses to commands. We worked on getting Jess to trigger a button that activated a recording that said "hi mom". Each time Maura asked him to move his thumb he did. Movements like that will open other doors for us to help him communicate and have some choices.

And, today, Chris and I left Joey, Angie and Daniel with Jess while we had a meeting in Twin Falls. A big step for us and a fun day for Jess. He rode Charlie and we heard it was his best day ever. I think we only checked in maybe 4 or 5 times. Later we were treated to a wonderful St. Patrick's Day dinner provided by our good friends Linda & Paul.

Jess has also been standing for 10 to 30 minutes a day in his standing machine. The van has been such a gift and has made transporting Jess so much easier. We are still hoping to get his new wheel chair soon. Tomorrow we have PT and Cranial Sacral therapy and a visit from the school OT therapist. I know I have forgotten a lot of details...our days are so packed full. We are so lucky to have so many talented wonderful people helping our Jess recover. He is making small changes and we are just patiently (most of the time) waiting. Good night...

3/12/05 at 8:00 p.m.

I have a kink in my neck from looking up at my beautiful son. We just got him out of the standing machine. Yes, ask and you shall receive. With the help of Karen, our home health supplier, we were able to borrow a standing machine to do a trial to satisfy the requirements of Medicaid. If we can prove it is beneficial for him to have one they may help us purchase it. Chris and I have been standing him for months by ourselves. At one time it took three of us and we could only go for maybe 20 minutes with a lot of effort. Now, we can reach the hour a day suggestion from the doctor in Salt Lake. Jess is one tall young man. We are guessing he is about 6'1 or 2. And, the standing machine is wonderful.

I am sure we do have angels watching over us. Chris flew to Nebraska last week to buy our new used van. It turned out to be perfect. He drove home and stopped in SLC to have a wheelchair lift installed. Today we were able to wheel Jess into the van and go for a ride. Now, I can take him to school or to the horse arena or wherever I want by myself. I am so grateful. I had the help of my wonderful friend, Sheila, while Chris was away. We came up with some pretty inovative ways to move Jess and accomplished our mission with a few laughs and very strange looks from Jess. Can you imagine what he must think when he hears his mom is going to pick him up?

We had a wonderful experience at the horse arena on Thursday. Jess has a special horse, Merlin, that is brought in on Thursdays for him to touch. He is a beautiful gentle soul that just connects so softly with Jess. We generally have to hold Jess' hand up to feel his breath, touch his wiskers and he always receives a few licks. This time after a few minutes of touching him with his right hand all of a sudden Jess raised his left arm and opened his hand so he could meet Merlin's nose...their eyes connected. It was a very precious moment for all of us.

I also met with the school district on Friday and we came up with an IEP (Individual Education Plan) for Jess to attend school two days a week and hopefully increasing to three days, three hours soon. No, he does not really participate but that's okay. It will come in time. He just needs to be in a familiar environment with the stimulation of school. They have some interesting ideas of using assistive technology aids to help Jess learn to communicate. Everyone is more than willing to help him in any way they can. We rode the school bus last Wednesday and I know Jess was curious as to why he was back on a school bus again. As I said, we will try whatever it takes to help him remember.

Joey is on his way home as we speak. He is in Montana in a snow storm tonight and should arrive in the next couple days. We are truly blessed.

A lady I have never met from Illinois called today and told me she had traveled to California and started a pray group there as well as the one she has going in Illinois. There are so many wonderful people praying for my Jess I know someday in God's time he will be able to communicate and contribute something very special to all of us really soon.

"Never, never, never give up." -Winston Churchill-

3/6/05 at 9:00 a.m.

Jess had a better week. The wonderful helpers at the horse arena said Jess had the best day yet on Thursday. He only needed to be "balanced" by Lisa who sits behind him. We are so lucky to have such wonderful therapy for Jess. He rides twice a week now. He also attended school and watched his classmates work on their computers. Before the accident he spent a lot of time on his computer so I just keep putting his mouse in his hand and hope something comes back to him. We are meeting with the school district again next week to structure a plan for more days at school and to schedule help from the school therapists with some assistive technology and therapy. It is possible to run a computer with your eyes or with very little movement from a finger. I pray for a way to communicate with him so he can have some choices again. We will also want to establish a group of friends that can be there for Jess while he is at school. It is hard for his friends to see Jess different than he was but I know he misses being a part of their world. He needs to know they have not forgotten him.

It was also Jamie's (Jess' sister) birthday this week. Happy Birthday, Jamie! She is coming home today from Boise. And, Joey has decided to come home for 3 months to help us. His office in Minneapolis is going to give him a leave of absence. Thank you so very much! Jess is very close to both his sister and brother. Their interaction is crucial to his recovery. And, we appreciate their help more than they will ever know.

2/27/05 at 9:30 p.m.

It was a tough week for us last week. We live on such an emotional roller coaster...wasting energy wishing, hoping, wondering and questioning. It is what it is and the moment is all that really matters. When we first came home from Boise Jess' left side was so stiff we could hardly bend his leg or his arm and his right side was just the opposite. They call it toning or spasticity and it is caused by adrenalin rushing to the muscles without Jess' control. With the help of the therapists, we were able to get him to relax for a couple of months. But, as we know, nothing ever remains the same. It has come back only reversed, just not as severe. His right arm remains straight and hard to bend, his left arm stays bent and hard to straighten and the same with his legs. His head is turning hard to the left and we are constantly trying to encourage him to keep it in the middle. We all think it is the channel that has come alive on the left and now we can't wait for the right side to catch up. We are trying to focus on the fact that "change is good" and I personally think it is just working it's way out. The sooner the better! We did have good responses with the therapists during the week, he rode Charlie Brown with better trunk control and he attended school for 45 minutes. We took him for a ride today around by all of his familiar places. We couldn't really tell if he recognized those places.

We have finally found a used van in Nebraska that we can put a wheelchair lift in so Chris will fly there soon to pick it up. It will make it so much easier to transport Jess. Our insurances are questioning our need for the tub lift and standing machine....interesting! And, after we fill out the 7 page document, we may get the new wheelchair sometime in our lifetime. I think they should focus more on the giving than the receiving...don't you agree? Again, I encourage you all to review your policies. It is an incredible journey to explore the world of what you thought you had and how difficult it is to get. But we are thankful for what they have paid.

Tomorrow is another day, change is good and I bid you all a good night.

P.S. Our guestbook is receiving some very strange messages. Joey has tried to stop them but maybe if I ask them kindly to stop visiting our guestbook they might comply. Please...Thank you!

2/19/05 at 8:30 p.m

First of all, we want to thank everyone involved in the raffle and race for Jess last weekend. A special thanks to Sun Valley Ski Club, Bob & Lynne Nicholson, Ned Wheeler and Paul, Linda & Kelsey for selling so many tickets. I cannot believe almost ,000 was raised for Jess' benefit. This community we live in is truly the best with so many generous loving people living here. We just keep hoping Jess will recover quickly so we can pass on the love to others in need of help, too. We can't thank you enough.

Congratulations to Kelsey's dad Kevin for winning the trip to Mexico! What a wonderful surprise to hear he had won the raffle!

Jess is very tired. We returned home from Salt Lake yesterday after a 3 day trip to visit the Primary Children's Hospital again. We had several appointments and very full days. The first appointment was with a neuro opthamalogist who determined that, yes, Jess can see and that his eyes are ok. He suggested we have a test that would show whether there were blockages in the optical nerve to the brain. The test is like an EKG but extracts the measurements out to show how quickly light is transfered through the optical nerve. Jess' was a bit slower than what ours would be but not enough for concern. We then visited with a nutritionalist who measured, weighed and tried to take a fat measurement on Jess. He weighed 146 pounds which was exactly what he weighed 6 weeks ago. She said he has very little fat which is good because when someone is not using there body alot calories can turn to fat. She was amazed at his muscle tone and said his diet and blood test was perfect. Next we had another swallow evaluation. He did pass this one but it was suggested we cautiously start giving him water and nectar juices. The speech therapist is using an electric stimulator on his throat now to help stimulate his swallow. We continued on to spend 3 hours with an educator, the PT, OT and speech therapist discussing new equipment. Jess needs a better wheelchair, a standing machine, assistive technology with computer programs to help with his eye gaze and possibly switches to help with communication. They were surprised at how quickly Jess responded when I asked him to wiggle his toes and move his legs. More good news! They all agreed he was "in there" and that again it will just take time. The doctor mentioned that none of the parents she works with have ever initiated all of the suggestions she makes as quickly as we have. She felt school, the horse therapies and all of our therapists coming to the home were making a great difference in Jess' progress. She did reiterate how important it is for Jess to be able to be a teenager and spend time with his friends. She is a bit concerned about the strength in the one-sided neck turning that seems to be out of Jess' control. We all feel it is a channel that has opened up only on one side and is making it difficult for Jess to control his neck movement. We just hope that the other side wakes up soon to balance his neck control. We just have to keep holding on and stay positive that he will recover. Eight months seems like such a very long time but yet...there are not enough hours in a day! Good night...

2/11/05 at 8:00 p.m.

"Love others fully and with all your heart, and do not fear, do not hold back. The more you give, the more will return to you."
-Dr. Brian L. Weiss-

We had a very emotional night last night. The basketball team asked us to bring Jess to their last home game which was "Senior Night". We were having a hard time making the decision so we asked Jess if he wanted to go to give us a thumb's up. His thumb went straight up...so we had our answer. They called the senior boys' and their parents out to the middle of the gym floor. They announced Jess as the co-captain of the team and we wheeled him out next to his teammates in front of a huge crowd. He was honored with a standing ovation. The coach gave him a plague with his name and #40 on it. There were many tears shed. We want to thank the team for including Jess in their special night. I know he would thank you if he could. Jess seemed to want to get right out of his chair and join his teammates when they started the game. He was moving his legs and opening his hand as though he thought they might throw him the ball on the sideline. Many of his other friends came by to say hi and I am sure many just didn't know how. It isn't easy seeing someone that was so active and full of life in a wheel chair. But, I know he knew those of you who came and let him know you care. We felt a lot of love and support in that gym. It wasn't easy for us but then again...it wasn't about us. A special thanks goes out to our friends that showed up to give us moral support. We needed it! There are many wonderful people in this world! We seem to be blessed with a multitude. We left the game after halftime but we heard it went into double overtime and they lost by just a few points. Congratulations for a good fight to the finish!

This whole week has been emotional for the Matey's. Chris has worked for Sun Valley Company for 20 years and the S.V. Ski Club decided to donate part of the proceeds of a race being held on the mountain and at the nordic center to Jess. A very generous couple (who we have never met) Bob & Lynne Nicholson donated a trip to Cabo in Mexico in conjunction with the race. There are raffle tickets being sold all over town. The proceeds are going to the Jess Matey Community Trust Fund. We are so humble and grateful...all we can say is thank you so very very much. We can't wait until it is our turn to give back to all of those that have given to us so freely. We send our love to you all.

P.S. We had six of Jess' friends visit him today. It meant a lot to see them show up and you just never know who will witness and be part of a wonderful miracle. Thank you...

2/7/05 at 9:30 p.m.

"It's easy to get lost in endless speculation. So today, release the need to know why things happen as they do. Instead, ask for the insight to recognize what you're meant to learn."
- Carolyn Myss

I needed to hear that message, maybe it will help you too. Jess rode Charlie Brown again today. Everyone kept telling me he looked different and more alert than last week. He has been moving a lot more. Before he got on Charlie, they brought in another horse for Jess to touch, to feel his soft hair, to touch his nose and feel him breathe. The horse seemed to know and licked Jess' hand. Animals are so wise. They too have to communicate silently with their eyes and with their presence. As we watched him in amazement go around the arena on Charlie, Jess seemed to hold himself upright and then relax his legs and arms as though he wanted to be there. Maybe he felt he finally had some control...some control of something in his life. When he finished they said he was doing well enough that they had a slot for another day...two days a week! Wow.

We took Jess to the bowling alley this weekend. He watched his good friend Curtis and his mom and dad bowl. Jess spent many good times in the bowling alley. We couldn't really tell if he knew where he was or not. We just keep trying.

And, Jess is going back to school for just a few minutes one day a week. He really can't participate...but maybe the smell, the voices of his friends and teachers, the familiar environment, the memories will help him put the pieces back together. Everyone has been so helpful, so understanding and so willing to make it work...now it is again just up to Jess.

2/2/05 at 11:45 a.m.

It has been a stimulating week for Jess and for us. Monday, Jess rode Charlie Brown again and it was a wonderful site to see. His sister Jamie and her little girl Jahara, his grandmother, Chris and I and our friend Marlene all witnessed Jess riding on this beautiful horse with a wonderful support team of eight caring people. He rode for over 30 minutes and every time they stopped to ask him if he wanted to go around again they got the two blinks they asked for which meant yes. They felt he was much stronger and it was easier for Lisa to hold him from behind on the back of the horse.

That night we had received a call from one of Jess' long time friends asking if he and two other friends could come to visit last night. Billy, Morgan and Dillon came over and hung out with Jess for about three hours. It was amazing because Jess never closed his eyes. He watched a movie with them and we know he was listening to their voices and wanted to join in their conversations. We want the guys to know it meant a lot to have them interact with Jess. Their role with him could make a huge difference in his recovery. And, yes, Chris and I left for 1 hour and 23 minutes. We walked up to a close by restaurant, had dinner, stopped by the grocery store and brought ice cream bars home for the gang. We were not sure the guys would be comfortable alone with Jess for the first time so 3 of our wonderful friends (Jay, Joan & Marlene) also came over. My parents were also there so I think we covered all of our bases! I guess it is all about baby steps. It was nice to breath the fresh air and have dinner with my husband. Thank you to all....we are so blessed.

Next message I will have more information on Jess going back to school

1/19/05 @ 9:00 p.m.

We had a very positive day yesterday. Our speech therapist was able to get some good answers for yes and no from Jess with his eyes. She would ask him a question and he would look at signs, one with a "yes" and one with a "no". His eye contact was the best she has seen and she was very pleased. She comes all the way from Burley just to work with Jess. The doctor's office in Salt Lake called to schedule us for another visit on February 17th. She made a point to ask me if the speech therapists were working on communication. She mentioned again that Jess was in there and that we just had to find the way to communicate with him. After 7 months, I can't tell you how much those words mean to us.

Later in the day we took Jess to the high school gym to watch his teammates play basketball. It was another big adventure for us. The boys were in the locker room so Jess, Chris and I (imagine a mom in the boy's locker room!) went into the locker room and witnessed the planning for the next game. Jess was intently watching & listening to Coach Trinkle and his friends. Coach told me they dedicated the last game they played to Jess and they won! I think it was hard on his friends to see Jess in a wheelchair and knowing he was not able to talk to them but I know it meant a lot to Jess to see some familiar faces, hear familiar voices, smell the familiar smells and try to remember who he is. This is just a beginning for us. We are working on getting him on a horse once a week at the Sagebrush Arena to help strengthen his neck and trunk. The movement on a horse gives him the sensation of walking. Last weekend we also took him into his friend Curtis' house where he has spent a lot of time hoping he would recall all the fun times he had there. We are also looking at getting a new van so we can transport him in his wheelchair easier. We have been through many stages, emotions, fears, tears already since the accident and as I said this is just the beginning.