January 28th, 2006

They finally hooked me up with a computer in the apartment. It will be nice for the next client staying here! We only have 3 more days until we leave. I can't wait to get home but I will miss the green grass, roses and walks in the sunshine. The weekends are tough. I only have Jess to talk to and he just looks at me with those big beautiful blue eyes like a puppy dog saying "it will be okay mom". I blink three times at him to say "I love you, Jess" and he blinks three times back. We seem to find a wonderful way to communicate with the animals we love that cannot speak our language and we can all find a special way to communicate with Jess. He needs that more than anything.

Jess is not a lot different from the way he was two months ago. He does swallow better, track with his eyes better and hold his head up better. Chris and I learned a few new things here. One thing we learned which we didn't really want to face is...there is not a quick fix for Jess. We found out that we are doing probably more for him than any place in the world could do. We verified we have a wonderful team of professionals at home that are doing just as well or better than any professionals we could find. We know it is important to be surrounded by people that love you, support you and have strong shoulders when you are in a traumatice situation like we have endured for the last year and 8 months. We still do not know where Jess will be in a month, a year or 10 years in his recovery. But, at least now I can stop feeling like we are missing a key piece of the puzzle. Only God and Jess can put that piece back. We will continue to get as much therapy as we can and as they have told us here...repetition, repetition, repetition. And, we need to continue to subject Jess to his life before the to help him remember who he was. He needs all the familiar faces and voices and places to stir up those neurons.

Crystal and I had a good cry last night...she and Samantha have been so good to us while we were here. It takes a special person to do what they do especially at their young age. When you need good loving people around you, they just seem to show up. We wish them the best in their lives. We thank everyone who has worked with us here. It is a great facility and all of the people here are very special and caring individuals to do what they do. There are many people in our same situation in this world. Why? I just don't know.

January 23rd, 2006

"Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday big brother Joey.....Happy Birthday to you!!"

I have the laptop hooked up at the clinic so I wanted to wish Joey a big Happy Birthday from your whole family!

Jess is working hard this last week at the clinic. They are video taping the therapies so we can continue doing the exercises at home. Due to the cost of staying here, lack of reimbursement from insurance, our travel and missing work, we decided to return home and work on the new things we have been taught. We will return to Bakersfield again. We will miss Crystal and Samantha...somehow all the s fall in love with our Jess. Imagine that!

I better run, I want to watch the OT do the new eye exercises with Jess' glasses. I patched one of his eyes and we went to see the basketball movie Glory Road. It was awesome. Jess stayed focused on the screen. He still loves the game. We also went to the "BIG" mall on Sunday. I thought it would be quiet but to my surprise I could not believe all the people and the mall was twice the size of our Boise mall. I forgot which door we came in so...we got our exercise.

January 20th, 2006

I don't have time to tell you so much. We have been very busy. I still don't have a computer. Jess is doing well. I found out from the eye specialist that Jess has been seeing double 80% of the time. Can you imagine? He also has a blank spot on the lower right field of vision. He now has prism glasses that help him control his eyes better and we patch one side every day for 3 hours. When they are patched it stops the double vision. The doctor thinks it will make a big difference in his progress. He cannot look down so the prism in the glass will help with bringing his eye gaze down. It will help him see his hands and want to use them more.

We have decided to return home at the first of February. We will have videos and written plans for our therapists at home and then we will return here periodically for reevaluation and new therapy plans. The therapists here have been wonderful and are so willing to help us in whatever way they can. We feel it was very beneficial to be here for the last two months.
I need to get Jess to speech therapy so please know we appreciate everyone keeping in touch. I will try to get back online again soon.

January 15th, 2006

Boy, did this week go fast. I enjoyed being home, spending time with mom and dad, worked everyday (a big thank you to Bill & Eltiena for being so understanding), caught up on bills, spent some quality time with my friends at dinner and a movie, took a bubble bath, slept more than three hours at a time, snowblowed the driveway a couple times, dealt with insurances and now my week is over. Whew! I am leaving for Boise to spend the night with my beautiful daughter and granddaughter and then on to Bakersfield Monday afternoon. I can't wait to be with Jess again and get a hug from my husband. We will both attend the team meeting on Tuesday. Chris will be home on Wednesday and back to work (another big thank you to Ned and Sun Valley Co. for letting him take this time off). We are very grateful.

I just spoke to Chris and Jess. They went to a college basketball game Friday night and are headed for a movie today. They also went to see King Kong last week. Chris said the week went "ok" in therapy. No big changes. Our expectations can make us quite depressed...we want our son back so bad. It's just not time I guess. We can't control the events that happen in our life and we can only be careful with the way we handle them. We have to stay positive, focus on the small improvements and know that we are doing all we can for Jess. His journey is his journey and each of us have our own journey and we all have to make the best of it. All I am sure of is, we will always be here for Jess. He will get better...I have no doubt.

January 10, 2006

I am back home for a few days and glad to be able to be on my computer. It is so hard to leave Jess but he is in good hands with his dad. I needed to go to work, check on mom and dad and catch up on the paperwork and Chris needed to see his son. I talked to Chris today and he said the appointment with the eye specialist went well. She has worked with people with brain injuries for many years. Chris said she felt Jess could definitely see and after extensive testing she said she thinks he has a blank spot in the lower right field of vision. She also thinks he may be seeing double at times especially when he is tired. She is going to instruct the therapist with exercises to help correct both problems. She did feel he needed glasses. He wore glasses before the so we ordered a pair. She told Chris that many times with head injuries there will be damage to the eyeballs from the impact but she did a test that showed Jess' eyes were not damaged and were healthy. Good news!

The speech therapists are using an electric stimulator on his vocal cords to help stimulate his voice and swallow. He will have a swallow evaluation next week. They continually work on his tongue to strengthen the muscles. We are also getting consistent yes/no answers with eye blinks. He does two blinks for yes and one for no. The OT has made a splint for his hand to help him control the movement in hopes that he can hit a yes/no button. I can't wait until Jess can have some choices and be able to tell us how he feels. The night before I left I was in his room watching him sleep. All of a sudden he smiled just like this picture and I started to cry. It made me feel so good to know that at least there are good, happy moments for him even he it's in his sleep.

I fly back on Monday and Chris and I will have a conference with the team that is working with Jess. We will decide if we will stay another month. We are taking it one month at a time. Chris will come home on Wednesday. We pass each other practically in the airport with a hug and a tear saying good bye. Both of us hoping the other will have some wonderful news of new recovery.

I have had a chance while I am home to get help with an appeal to our insurance company for coverage we feel he deserves and also to discuss options with Medicaid. It is all so complicated but we won't give up. Whatever it takes to get the help he needs. He is going to continue to get better...that's all we know. Thanks again for the prayers...we know there are many being said for Jess and our family and you don't know know how much it helps!!!

January 4, 2006

I have a few minutes to use this computer. It is awful not having a computer...what did we ever do without them? Jess is trying so hard in therapies. Some days I am so glad we are here and other days I wonder why we are here. I know Jess needs lots of therapy everyday and everyone here is so considerate and knows a lot about brain injury. We do new things each day with the goal of finding the key to unlock Jess' ability to move and communicate. He is trying to find a way to connect his brain to his body. And, it is very complicated when so many neurons have been disconnected. The hardest part is the not knowing what he can regain. We just keep the faith and send lots of good energy to everyone involved in his recovery.

Jess and I entertained ourselves for New Year's. We had three days off so we went to the movies twice. I feel like we are movie stars when we go out in public. Some people are afraid to acknowledge us and some give us the real stare down. We also ventured into a large mall. I took Jess to the video game arcade, which was one of his favorite places and also to a Foot Locker shoe store, another favorite. It was raining all weekend so everywhere we went we got soaked. Maneuvering around in a wheelchair is a different world. And boy do I cuss those who park in the handicapped zones. I think about trying to get him around at home with 4 feet of snow. Maybe we will stay until spring....

We have received a lot of cards and letters and I read every single one to Jess and we talk about our life and all our wonderful friends. It is strange how you can make the best of being in a strange city with new people. Where there is a will...there is a way. Chris will be here this weekend and we are sure glad. Love to Idaho and to everyone visiting this site. Pam, Chris & Jess