I rented a movie last night called The Peaceful Warrior. I highly recommend you watch it. It is a true story taken from the book, The Way of the Peaceful Warrior, written by a gymnast and author, Dan Millman. Here is a quote about the DVD, "This film in some way calls us to living with a peaceful heart and a warrior spirit - to live with courage and love, to stand tall even when we stand alone, to do what is right and speak and live our truth. This is what the peaceful warrior's way is all about."
I bought the book for Joey close to 20 years ago when he was racing as a nordic skier. Chris also read it and Jess started to read it. It is still on his book shelve. Dan Millman was the guest speaker at a wellness fair here in Sun Valley that we attended. He has a wonderful way of sharing the experiences and lessons that he has learned as a superior athlete.
The film reminded me...again...that this life is all about the journey and not the destination. How many of us can love ourselves, our children, our mate, our parents, our friends, the strangers we meet for who they are right now and not for who we want them to be? I know, for me, it can be a challenge and is my lifetime work.
We have been told by many special messengers that Jess chose this path he is on to teach all of those who cross his path, unconditional love. Yes, that is a hard one for us to swallow. We miss the Jess we knew so much. But if it is true, we must honor his choice and love him unconditionally without expectations or desires to have him be anyone but who he is right now. Knowing my Jess, he would be the one to sacrifice his life for others. He once told me at the young age of 16, "Mom, I could die tomorrow and it would be ok. I have lived a good life and experienced so much." I looked at him and said, "But Jess, you are only 16!" He replied seriously, "I know, mom, but I have done more and lived more than most do in their entire lifetime."
He wanted to be an NBA player because he loved basketball, but also because he wanted to be an inspirational speaker and knew kids would listen to him if he played for the NBA. He didn't get that chance but maybe in this condition he is more powerful at getting a message across than he would have been as an NBA player. It is important for us to find a different way to listen to him.
Most of the people that touch Jess' life have truly given him unconditional love. We hear often that Jess gives them a gift far greater than they are able to give back to him. Of course those comments bring tears to my eyes. I will always feel we are so blessed to have the many friends that have come in different forms to touch all of our lives. I guess if there can be one good thing that came out of his accident, it has been meeting all the wonderful, kind and loving people that have shared this journey with us.
Watch the movie. You won't regret it. We all need a reminder to let go, forgive and love most importantly ourselves and then everyone around us "unconditionally".
Saturday, September 22, 2007
Sunday, September 16, 2007
A Close Call...
Mom and I had a very close call this week. I took her to St. Anthony, Idaho which is about 3 hours from here to see where she and dad wanted to have their ashes spread. It is in a place called "Hog Hollow". Both my parents grew up there and mom shared many fond memories with us of her childhood in the early nineteen hundreds. My two brothers, my two aunts and my two uncles (who are like my second parents) went with us. When we got out of the car at my aunts house I knew we were at the right place because of the wonderful smell of homemade bread. Hog Hollow is a beautiful place where my dad duck hunted, my parents spent a lot of time, where both their parents had homesteaded and where there is a beautiful view of the Grand Teton mountains. It has changed with development, but not too much for mom to remember land marks. It all made me realize how fast life goes and how special times with family are. It was truly a memorable day! I even got to see two of my cousins that I was fortunate enough to spend many fun days with when I was small. We had some good laughs!
On the way there, though, I received a phone call from Chris saying Jess had not opened his eyes since we had left the house that morning. Brandie had called him from school. I wanted to turn around but he said he was going to take him to the doctor and would call as soon as he knew something. Of course, your mind wanders to the most awful places...had he gone back into a coma?? No, he had an eye infection. He is much better now. It is always so frightening because Jess cannot tell us what is wrong or where it hurts.
On the way home, we were following a pilot car and a wide semi truck with a large flatbed trailer on the back carrying some kind of large machine on it. We were going through the lava beds at over 60 miles an hour when all of a sudden I heard a sound like a shotgun had gone off in our car and large pieces of debris were flying right towards our windshield. I swerved to keep a huge section of rubber from hitting us and realized we were headed into the lava beds so turned the wheel back and felt the car bounce back on the wheels. My little Toyota Corolla had come off the ground, scraped the front bumper on the ground, wore off part of my tire and landed back on the ground. All of this happened in a second. I drove 20 miles an hour for 10 miles in shock that we were still alive. I know now what terror Jess was going through in the car he was in, but unfortunately he was not as lucky as mom and I. I realize now that the only thing that saved us is the (click here for info) ESC - electronic stability control that is on my car. Paula (from People Safe in Rollovers) informed me that all cars manufactured will be required to have that on their cars soon. Thank goodness!
The Cleveland Clinic called to verify they had received Jess medical records and that the team of doctors would be reviewing them and we will hear from them soon.
I also want to mention that Curtie's mom, Linda, had some very serious surgery and is doing well. Please send some good thoughts and prayers her way for a quick healing and safe trip home. We send our love your way, Linda!
Thank you everyone for your comments. It is good to hear feedback. I have not gotten another hug from Jess but he has given his dad and I a few cherished smiles. We continue to wonder, wait and try to find the good things in each day.
On the way there, though, I received a phone call from Chris saying Jess had not opened his eyes since we had left the house that morning. Brandie had called him from school. I wanted to turn around but he said he was going to take him to the doctor and would call as soon as he knew something. Of course, your mind wanders to the most awful places...had he gone back into a coma?? No, he had an eye infection. He is much better now. It is always so frightening because Jess cannot tell us what is wrong or where it hurts.
On the way home, we were following a pilot car and a wide semi truck with a large flatbed trailer on the back carrying some kind of large machine on it. We were going through the lava beds at over 60 miles an hour when all of a sudden I heard a sound like a shotgun had gone off in our car and large pieces of debris were flying right towards our windshield. I swerved to keep a huge section of rubber from hitting us and realized we were headed into the lava beds so turned the wheel back and felt the car bounce back on the wheels. My little Toyota Corolla had come off the ground, scraped the front bumper on the ground, wore off part of my tire and landed back on the ground. All of this happened in a second. I drove 20 miles an hour for 10 miles in shock that we were still alive. I know now what terror Jess was going through in the car he was in, but unfortunately he was not as lucky as mom and I. I realize now that the only thing that saved us is the (click here for info) ESC - electronic stability control that is on my car. Paula (from People Safe in Rollovers) informed me that all cars manufactured will be required to have that on their cars soon. Thank goodness!
The Cleveland Clinic called to verify they had received Jess medical records and that the team of doctors would be reviewing them and we will hear from them soon.
I also want to mention that Curtie's mom, Linda, had some very serious surgery and is doing well. Please send some good thoughts and prayers her way for a quick healing and safe trip home. We send our love your way, Linda!
Thank you everyone for your comments. It is good to hear feedback. I have not gotten another hug from Jess but he has given his dad and I a few cherished smiles. We continue to wonder, wait and try to find the good things in each day.
Sunday, September 9, 2007
A Good Cry!
Mom and I had a good cry this afternoon. Jess was lying on the couch on his side and I was in the kitchen mixing his dinner...always with one eye peering out checking on him. I stopped what I was doing to watch him moving his left arm and hand in very different motions. I decided to let him know I was watching his movements and that it was wonderful to see. So, I leaned down on my knees next to the couch and looked him in the eye and told him how great it was to see him moving his arm so different. I asked him if he thought he could raise his arm around my neck and give me a hug. He raised his eyebrows like he always does when he is pondering a request. It took him a few minutes to wiggle and turn his hand but sure enough he raised his arm and plopped it right around my neck. I started to cry. He knew I was crying and he squeezed a little tighter which made me cry more. After I composed myself and told him I had waited 3 years for a hug, we tried it again and he did it again. To make sure I wasn't dreaming I asked mom to come in to the living room and watch and he did it again and she cried. There is nothing like tears of joy! Every minute of every day we watch for something new and different to surface from Jess and when we see the littlest thing it gives us reason to wake up one more day.
Jess had a good week at school with Brandie. He is taking a debate class and a class called Quest that is like the class he has taken in the past that is very interactive with the students in which they talk about real life situations, goals, problems and life in general. He also works on the computer and has OT and PT. He starts back horseback riding tomorrow after a 3 week break. We could use some volunteer help if anyone has a free hour on Mondays at 11:00 or Thursdays at 11:00. You basically walk around the arena beside the horse holding on to Jess. Tall guys are very valuable!
I sent all of Jess' medical records off to the Cleveland Clinic last week. Here is a statement regarding the procedure that I found written by Dr. Rezai:
According to Rezai, the procedure required much more precision when used for minimally conscious state. "You have to target specific parts of the brain with millimeter precision using various computer-generated brain maps and physiological mapping," he explained.
It sounds pretty technical and a bit scary. Keep some good thoughts and prayers going for the right decision to come through for our Jess.
I also had a conference call with the Elks Rehab in Boise as a result of our visit there. They were very complimentary of our care and our persistence in getting Jess what he needs but unfortunately they didn't give me that magic cure I was hoping for. They did have some good contacts for augmentative communication systems and some camps that might be fun for Jess to attend next summer.
I received an email regarding Paula Lawlor's visit to Washington D.C. Here is an article written about the event: Safety Crusaders Seek Political Action on Roof Crush Injuries. I can't wait to talk to her soon to see just how well she felt it went. Thanks again for everyone's help!
We sure would like to hear from you...I feel like I am always having a one sided conversation. Just click on the link below and leave Jess or us a comment. I like to read them to Jess. Love to all!
Jess had a good week at school with Brandie. He is taking a debate class and a class called Quest that is like the class he has taken in the past that is very interactive with the students in which they talk about real life situations, goals, problems and life in general. He also works on the computer and has OT and PT. He starts back horseback riding tomorrow after a 3 week break. We could use some volunteer help if anyone has a free hour on Mondays at 11:00 or Thursdays at 11:00. You basically walk around the arena beside the horse holding on to Jess. Tall guys are very valuable!
I sent all of Jess' medical records off to the Cleveland Clinic last week. Here is a statement regarding the procedure that I found written by Dr. Rezai:
According to Rezai, the procedure required much more precision when used for minimally conscious state. "You have to target specific parts of the brain with millimeter precision using various computer-generated brain maps and physiological mapping," he explained.
It sounds pretty technical and a bit scary. Keep some good thoughts and prayers going for the right decision to come through for our Jess.
I also had a conference call with the Elks Rehab in Boise as a result of our visit there. They were very complimentary of our care and our persistence in getting Jess what he needs but unfortunately they didn't give me that magic cure I was hoping for. They did have some good contacts for augmentative communication systems and some camps that might be fun for Jess to attend next summer.
I received an email regarding Paula Lawlor's visit to Washington D.C. Here is an article written about the event: Safety Crusaders Seek Political Action on Roof Crush Injuries. I can't wait to talk to her soon to see just how well she felt it went. Thanks again for everyone's help!
We sure would like to hear from you...I feel like I am always having a one sided conversation. Just click on the link below and leave Jess or us a comment. I like to read them to Jess. Love to all!
Monday, September 3, 2007
School Starts Tomorrow
The fires are finally contained, my friends are safe and back in their homes, our mountain landscape has regretably changed, but we are so appreciative to the hard working fire fighters that saved so much of our land and structures. It was an emotional couple of weeks for our valley. Emotions that were comparative to how Chris and I have felt for 3 years.
It's September and Labor Day weekend is over. School starts tomorrow after a week's delay. I always feel strange when Jess goes back to school. It is hard to let him out of my sight. I know he will be just fine and probably enjoys getting away from our constant attention to his every need. I'm sure he will enjoy listening to the kids talk about all the things that happened in their lives over the summer. Just being around young energy is a wonderful thing for him. I don't know what we will do next year. I guess no one knows what they will do next year. Life can change in an instant.
We did hear from the Cleveland Clinic. Jess is one of 34 chosen to be evaluated for the brain stimulation surgery. I have to send in all of his medical records which luckily I have on CD's because of our lawsuit. We are a little nervous about the surgery but will go through all the steps to see if Jess could benefit from it. Here is a statement I found from Dr. Rezai the head surgeon:
"According to Rezai, the procedure requires much more precision when used for people in a minimally conscious state. You have to target specific parts of the brain with millimeter precision using various computer-generated brain maps and physiological mapping," he explained."
Everyday I still think this is all a strange nightmare and I'm sure I will wake up and see Jess getting ready to go back to college, laughing, running outside to shoot a few baskets, sitting in front of his computer chatting with his friends or raiding the refrigerator at all hours of the night. It is still so hard to believe this is real. You would think after 3 years it would get a little easier.
We have a conference call with the Elks therapists in Boise this week. They will give us recommendations for things that might help Jess communicate better, I hope. Now that the hospital is opened again, I think we can schedule a time to have Jess' widom teeth removed. He will have to stay in the hospital to make sure he doesn't aspirate. We will be glad when that surgery is over.
Until next time...good-night!
It's September and Labor Day weekend is over. School starts tomorrow after a week's delay. I always feel strange when Jess goes back to school. It is hard to let him out of my sight. I know he will be just fine and probably enjoys getting away from our constant attention to his every need. I'm sure he will enjoy listening to the kids talk about all the things that happened in their lives over the summer. Just being around young energy is a wonderful thing for him. I don't know what we will do next year. I guess no one knows what they will do next year. Life can change in an instant.
We did hear from the Cleveland Clinic. Jess is one of 34 chosen to be evaluated for the brain stimulation surgery. I have to send in all of his medical records which luckily I have on CD's because of our lawsuit. We are a little nervous about the surgery but will go through all the steps to see if Jess could benefit from it. Here is a statement I found from Dr. Rezai the head surgeon:
"According to Rezai, the procedure requires much more precision when used for people in a minimally conscious state. You have to target specific parts of the brain with millimeter precision using various computer-generated brain maps and physiological mapping," he explained."
Everyday I still think this is all a strange nightmare and I'm sure I will wake up and see Jess getting ready to go back to college, laughing, running outside to shoot a few baskets, sitting in front of his computer chatting with his friends or raiding the refrigerator at all hours of the night. It is still so hard to believe this is real. You would think after 3 years it would get a little easier.
We have a conference call with the Elks therapists in Boise this week. They will give us recommendations for things that might help Jess communicate better, I hope. Now that the hospital is opened again, I think we can schedule a time to have Jess' widom teeth removed. He will have to stay in the hospital to make sure he doesn't aspirate. We will be glad when that surgery is over.
Until next time...good-night!
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