1/15/05 @ 4:30 p.m.

After driving through a bad snow storm, witnessing many cars and semi's off the road we finally made it to Salt Lake on Tuesday evening. We ended up staying in Salt Lake two nights and quickly learned about maneuvering in a motel and in a big city with a wheel chair. It was our first big adventure since we brought Jess home. All I can say is it was an adventure.

We had a one hour appointment with the doctor in a very busy hospital. Five hours later we left the hospital impressed, full of information and exhausted. She was a wonderful physician who never made us feel rushed and was so willing to answer all of our many questions. She spent the first half hour convincing us that a rehab hospital was not the best place for Jess. She was impressed with what we were doing for him and felt his being in his own environment was giving him a better chance for recovery. He needs the comfort and security of all those that love him around him. When we walked in her office we feared we would hear all of the negative diagnosis that we had heard from the neurologists in the beginning and...when we left we had a plan to help Jess increase his progress. She didn't look at or ask us what they had diagnosed. She said her job was only to get her patients functioning. The words I hang on to every moment are "Jess is in there...he just needs help to emerge." She informed us he is ready to try things that we have questioned ourselves whether it was time. She insisted we try standing him for at least an hour a day (if not his bones will lose the calcium and he will develop osteoporsis), she wants him to venture out into his familiar territory (basketball practice, the bowling alley, his friend's house) and she felt he needs to interact with his peers. All this will spur his memory of who he is and what it was like to be Jess Matey. She watched a video we made of things the therapists were able to accomplish and was pleased to see his movements. She said we have a very long climb at a very slow pace.

She suggested we get a standing machine, a bathtub lift (which we have been trying to get for 3 months) a new wheelchair, a new car to transport him, buttons he can push to communicate...the list goes on and on. She wants us back in 6 weeks to see a neuro opthamalogist, to do another swallow evaluation, to replace his feeding tube with a "button", and to check his legs from the botox shots she gave him to relax the muscles that have become so strong they overpower the weak ones. We have to find someone that can do serial casts on his legs three different times for 7 to 10 days each time, increasing the flexion 10% each time they are casted. And then, she had to leave the room for a phone call stating when she returned we would talk about getting him back into school. Our mouths dropped and our emotions when on a rampage..."Is she kidding?" No, she wasn't and I will continue that subject when I can breath again and when I have more information.

I want to thank everyone for their wonderful positive messages just when I need them. We love you all...

1/10/05 @ 12:00 p.m.

I keep debating if I should continue updating this website for Jess. I guess I do it, for Jess, so that someday he can recall what happened to him in these 7 months since his accident and he will get to read all of the wonderful messages from friends, family and people who care. And, everyone does keep thanking me for keeping them updated on his progress. I just wish one day when I start typing I could say that he is awake and responding. He is doing new things every week and without really knowing, we assume they are all good even though the appearance does not always seem that way.

We are traveling to Salt Lake City tomorrow for an appointment with the doctor who is the head of the Primary Children's Hospital Rehab and also the University of Utah Rehab. I wanted to create a relationship with a doctor who has a lot of experience with someone with a severe traumatic brain injury so that when Jess is ready to enter the world or rehab we have a good contact physician. We do hope that it will be soon. The hardest part of all of this is that we could take Jess to the best hospital in the world and it may not be any better than what we are doing for him right at home. If he is not ready to respond to the therapists there is nothing they can do. It is not like having a heart transplant or getting a new kidney...it is still waiting for his brain to heal. I keep getting asked how we are doing or how we get through each day. I really don't know. It is about surviving and taking care of someone that I love and cherish more than life itself. I try not to look into the future and to forget the past. Each day I just wake up looking forward to the hug I so long for from my beautiful son. I know that something good has to come out of this tragic event that has happened to such a wonderful young man. He has more more to teach us.

1/6/05 at 11:50 a.m.

The year is starting off on a positive note. Last night Kelsey called to tell us the Wood River varsity basketball team won their first game against the #1 A4 team last night. Billy Kramer and Syringa Stark left a towel and a small green ball for Jess on the doorstep this morning. Jess would have loved to share the excitement with his teammates. Congratulations! Good job guys and keep it going!

We also received good news from Jess' brother Joey. He doesn't have to have his shoulder operated on. Just needs rest and physical therapy. And, Jamie is much better from the virus.

As for our Jess, the therapists all seem to think he has changed physically, with much better range of motion, and he seems to be showing more personality. This will be a good year!

It was Jess' Grandma Juliann Matey's birthday yesterday. We all wish her a very happy birthday!

12/31/04 at 4:23 p.m.

Today is New Year's Eve and personally I am very relieved to see midnight arrive and a new year begin. This is a year I would choose not to remember. For some reason our trauma doesn't seem to go away. The day after Christmas my son Joey took his girlfriend and her sister skiing, he fell and dislocated his shoulder, tore the rotator cuff, a muscle and bruised the bone. He is heading back to Minneapolis to have surgery. Jamie ended up with some kind of weird virus that the doctor said he has seen quite a few cases of in Boise where her throat swelled up with golf ball size bumps, she had 19 canker sores in her mouth and her gums were bleeding. He, of course asked her what kind of stress she was under because her immune system must be weak. Luckily, with medication it will go away. I don't even know what to say. For me to watch my children be hurt is just too much to bear and I can't seem to stop it. So, give me a new year, new energy, new miracles....I am ready.

On a better note, Jess has been lifting and lowering his right arm when I ask him which is a very new thing. A very good new thing. He has also been rolling his ankle and bending his stiff left leg for me. He is moving his head to the left and right more which means his neck muscles are getting stronger. And, his eye contact has been noticeably different to the speech therapist as improving each week. We think he even grinned at his dad.

Life is very interesting to say the least. We need to send some healing strength and energy to the people involved in the tragedy in Asia. Their trauma has to be unbearable...we cannot even imagine. As we know, we are all connected so...as you have done for us...we can do for them. Prayers are our only solution. Have a safe and happy New Year! Love, Pam, Chris & Jess

12/26/04 at 2:40 p.m.

I would be dishonest if I told you this was a good Christmas for us all. Christmas was one of Jess' favorite holidays. He would always wake up Jamie first and talk her into getting up and then he loved to pass out the presents. We would all make popcorn balls a couple of days before Christmas which we couldn't seem to do this year. We did manage to decorate a tree and rise to the occassion just in hopes of receiving our miracle. But, I guess it is still just not in the plan for him to come back to us yet.

I am so thankful Grandma and Grandpa, Joey, Angie & her sister, Jamie & Jahara and Uncle Jim & Aunt Claudia were here to help us find some peace throughout the day. It was Chris' birthday too...we know what wish was made when he blew out the candles on his birthday cake. None of us can imagine why this has happened to our family and especially to our Jess but we keep praying there will be some sort of good come out of it. We know Jess is still in the thoughts and prayers of a lot of people in this valley and we can only thank you and wish you and your families a very Merry Christmas and a safe and joyous New Year. Hug each other and be so thankful for every moment you can share together. With love....The Matey's

12/17/04 at 9:15 p.m.

Today was a very big day for us. There are over 20,000 hits on this website. It gives us so much strength and courage just knowing so many people are checking on Jess and support us with their love and encouragement for his recovery. We are so amazed it has been exactly 6 months today since Jess' accident.

We took Jess to the hospital today to have a cavity filled and to have his teeth cleaned. Because of his condition they had to put him under a general anesthetic and put a tube down his throat. I have been so worried because just before the accident when he had his teeth cleaned they found out he had the cavity and if it hurt...Jess couldn't tell us. If you are a mother please always go with your instinct. When Dr. Drew and his hygenist got to look inside his mouth they not only fixed the cavity but found 2 other small cavities. He also found 5 fractured teeth that were a result of the impact that broke Jess' jaw in the accident. Dr. Drew said if it were you or I it would be very painful to have a fractured tooth. My poor Jess had 5 and couldn't even tell us that it hurt. They were able to bond and seal the fractures and also put a floride sealant on all of his teeth. The procedure took over two hours. We want to thank everyone who took such good care of Jess at the hospital.

We do believe we have angels watching over us. Chris has been uncomfortable with the new feeding tube in Jess stomach so while Jess was in the recovery room Chris ran into the wonderful surgeon, Dr. Durtschi, who has helped us before with his feeding tubes. He asked him if he thought we should put in a different type of tube while Jess was still coming out of the anesthetic. He agreed and when he went to remove the existing tube he found it had broken again. So, he replaced it with a stronger more reliable tube. Thank you Dr. Durtschi!

We also brought my dad home from the hospital today. We found out he had a touch of pneumonia and some stomach problems. We are all glad to be home.

To close, we want to wish a very special girl a very special Happy Birthday. Today Kelsey (Jess' girlfriend) turned 17 on the 17th. Happy Birthday, Kelsey! Jess was wide eyed when I told him it was your birthday this morning. I know he wanted me to wish you a very special day...

12/15/04 at 7:19 p.m.

I am so sorry I have not updated Jess' website for 7 days. My dad (who lives with us) had to be taken to the hospital in the middle of the night by ambulance 3 days ago. They are running tests to see what is wrong. I have been busy taking my mom back and forth to the hospital, visiting dad, working and helping Chris with Jess.

Jess is doing well. We are seeing a lot of purposeful movements and his eyes seem to follow us. I feel he is looking around with curious eyes. When I came home today, John was working with him on the floor. He was moving his arms and legs with John's help. He looked up at me and we both felt Jess gave me a faint smile. It made me cry. His neck muscles are getting stronger, too. We can't wait for him to sit up alone.

Jess had a few special friends visit last weekend. I know there are some of Jess' friends that would like to visit but may be hesitant to see him in the condition he is in. As a very good friend of mine said to me, "Jess is so much better than he was 6 months ago when his fragile breath was dependent on hospital support....he is ever so slowly coming back to be whoever he will be in the future. Your beautiful son is growing in his way, on his path each day and the gift that he is giving you, is for you to hold to the Truth of who you are and who Jess really is...regardless of appearances."

I hope you all know that we understand. It is hard to see Jess in his wheel chair and not out on the court shooting his basketball. We can't and won't give up knowing that he will get better. If you would just like to call so Jess could hear a familiar voice or if you decide you do want to come by...please let us know. We are not sure what may stimulate him or bring him back. As the speech therapist said, "Let him smell the boy's locker room...that will wake him up". Keep the positive thoughts coming...we need all we can get!